Dynamics
by Ms. Perception
Summary: Separately they were six damaged, broken individuals. But together they were they were something amazing. They were more than a team, they were a family. A series of one-shots set in the Savior-verse.
1. From the Mind of Nick Fury

**Summary:** They were six damaged and hurting individuals but when they were together they were something amazing. They were more than a team, they were a family.

**Pairings:** ambiguous Clintasha and mentioned Peppernony

**Warnings:** Just general spoilers for the movie… but everyone should've seen it already by now so no worries!

**Disclaimer:** If I owned anything having to with the _Avengers_ I would be a rich, happy woman. Instead I am a broke, happy woman. One out of two isn't that bad.

**Author's Note:** Hello there! I'm starting a new series. Just some fluffy little one-shots set after my other story _Savior,_ examining the growing bonds between the members of the Avenger family. Hope you enjoy. Ciao for now.

* * *

From the Mind of Nick Fury

As far as Nick Fury was concerned, Phil Coulson was the definition of a SHIELD agent. When the Director trained new employees, he used Coulson as an example of quality leadership and impeccable instincts. The man was able to make decisions in the field on the drop of a dime. He also had a flawless track record of recruiting the best talent. Nick Fury never questioned the man's judgment until he dropped a file on his desk out of the blue ten years ago. He raised an eyebrow at the potential recruit's current location. Some minimum security setting in the middle of nowhere America. When his questioning glare didn't result in Phil immediately removing the file, Nick glanced at the rap sheet. Almost twenty years old. Orphan. Caught for armed robbery. Police suspected that he wasn't the mastermind behind the job but the kid refused to talk. So he was doing a twenty five year bid.

At first, Nick thought he was kidding. There was no way he was seriously considering taking some unruly carnie delinquent with authority issues into SHIELD. He didn't care what the kid's marksmanship scores looked like. He saw the footage of the Amazing Hawkeye and yes, it was impressive. But no, they didn't need a circus freak. They needed a quality agent. But Coulson was relentless. He even went so far as to promise to train the kid himself. After awhile, Nick gave in. He let Coulson spring the kid from jail a week after his twentieth birthday. Clint Barton was every bit the troublemaker that Nick thought he would be… at first. But gradually, he started to relax. He scowled a little less. He was less defensive and actually started listening to orders. He trusted Phil and then later Nick. And though he was still a mouthy little bastard, he consistently demonstrated that he was a great agent and asset to SHIELD.

Clint proved that Coulson was right about him three years after he joined the agency. He was tasked with taking down a cold blooded assassin. Instead of putting an arrow through her heart as he was ordered, he held a hand out to her and brought her in. Eight years later, Nick couldn't help but be happy for Clint's consistent insubordination when he felt that he was right. Nick saw the footage from the hellicarrier. He watched Hawkeye and Black Widow facing down things he never prepared them for. He watched as they worked together with four individuals with incredible skills and abilities and more than held than own. In that moment, he was proud of them. Of both of them. He knew that Coulson would be as well… once he woke up. And man, did he catch hell for letting them believe that lie. Months later and Natasha is still a little frosty around him because of that.

Despite all that Nick was still proud of them. He knew what their files held. Hell, he was the one that helped to create those files. He knew that being a team player was never expected of either of them and yet they worked well together. Surprisingly, they worked even better with other Avengers. Nick knew it was a bit of a struggle with Clint but the team was nothing if not persistent. Eventually they managed to break through the archer's walls. To this day, Nick wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

On the bright side, the archer was smiling again. He was eating regularly and starting to gain back the muscle mass he lost in the months following the Manhattan invasion. On the other hand, he still felt uncomfortable around people that were not members of the Avengers (or loosely affiliated with them). This meant that whenever he was in SHIELD HQ, he almost always had another Avenger with him to block out the wary, uncertain gazes from the other agents. It seemed to help. Clint spent less time in the vents when there was another Avenger present. He was learning to tune out the mistrusting looks and negative comments about his continued employment with SHIELD. That was good. Now if only he could teach that to the rest of the team. Because they weren't tuning it out. On the contrary, they listened to every word and plotted accordingly.

The revenge against these agents varied, depending on the Avenger present in that moment, but there was always some form of retaliation. Nick found that he liked it best when it was Thor or Natasha. They settled for straight forward threats of physical violence and pain. Steve enjoyed giving lectures about morals and values that ultimately led to sobbing agents who called their mothers to apologize for their transgressions. Surprisingly, Banner was the worst. Stark just took to hacking emails and Facebook accounts and sharing embarrassing personal information with the whole agency. Banner was a lot more devious and creative than that. He once actually made a virus with symptoms similar to Ebola that fortunately for the agent only lasted a few hours. When questioned about it, the bastard had the nerve to whistle and shrug innocently. Nick was starting to wonder just who was the bad influence out of the so called Science Bros.

Still despite their bordering on psychotic defenses, Nick was quietly grateful for their intervention. He would deny it until he was blue in the face but he had a soft spot for Clint and Natasha (though according to Maria and Phil, it was obvious to everyone but Clint and Natasha). Of all the agents that came through during Fury's tenure as director, they were the ones that stood out the most. They weren't like the other agents, plucked out of academies and training programs around the world. Their talents and assets came as a result of a need to survive. They were both trying to atone for something. It made their work more genuine. They knew what was at stake and they never took it for granted. Nick could appreciate that. But they were both broken because of their pasts. With Natasha, it was harder to see. She wore a mask for so long that she became the mask. But Nick was starting to notice the cracks. Clint was a different creature altogether. He wore his heart for the world to see if they would only take the time.

When Loki brainwashed Clint, Nick worried that they weren't going to get him back. Not the way he used to be. And initially he was right. But then the Avengers happened. They didn't give him a choice in the matter. They were infuriating and determined. Most importantly they were there every single day proving that they didn't give a damn what he did under Loki's control. They knew it wasn't his fault and they didn't blame him. They also wouldn't let Clint blame himself. Slowly but surely Clint started to wake up. The smiles returned. The snarky comments during staff meetings started up again. Nick never thought he actually missed the kid's more bizarre habits until the week before when he dropped out of an air vent over Nick's office and into the empty armchair. Instead of apologizing for interrupting Nick and Phil's debriefing session, he merely grinned brightly and began regaling them with the daily dramas of the junior agents. Nick couldn't help but shake his head and laugh. He missed these moments the most. He simply missed Clint. But now he was back. For that he was willing to put up with almost anything the Avengers could and would dole out in their free time.

Too bad he was one of the few (besides Coulson) who felt that way.

* * *

"Director Fury!"

Nick repressed the sigh that threatened to burst when he heard the clipped tones of his second in command. Maria Hill was a more than competent agent. She was deadly and professional. But she also lacked the patience necessary to deal with the diverse personalities that made up The Avengers. This was obvious by the fact that the woman was currently purple. Seeing as he had a meeting with her just two hours before, he was at a loss as to why she was suddenly a completely different color that definitely didn't run in nature. Well that wasn't entirely true. He had a pretty good idea of why. He just wondered how she managed to piss them off this badly.

"Handling the team not going well?" he asked, instead of laughing. Apparently, she was as good at reading as Coulson as the woman merely glared. The effect was ruined by the fact that she was purple and her hair was a stunningly violent shade of pink. "Should I even ask?"

"When you requested that I play babysitter for the team while Phil is on vacation, I agreed because I know that they're a special response team and they pretty much need constant adult supervision. But honestly, sir, they're volatile and dangerous at best. I think that Rogers might be the only salvageable one. And they're corrupting him every day."

Nick's lips twisted as he put down the pen he was writing with. "What happened?"

"A few of the junior agents reported hearing rustling sounds coming from the air vents all day. I immediately knew it was Barton. I managed to track him and Stark down and I told him that he can't be in the air vents unless it's related to a mission. That's when Stark decided to intervene."

"Intervene?"

"He told me that neither of them had to listen to me because I'm not their real mother," she ground out through clenched teeth. "Apparently this was enough to send Barton into hysterics."

Nick remained quiet on that one because he kind of agreed. He could almost imagine Tony yelling that she wasn't their real mother. He knew that they all referred to Hill as their evil stepmother. He hated to break it to her but she often fit the role.

"I'm still not seeing how this ended with you looking like a rejected anime character."

She flushed and it was interesting to see against her light purple skin. "I may have had some words in response to that. After Banner found out and almost turned into the Hulk, I was ordered away from the team. Then one of them caught me with some kind of spray approximately an hour later. Ten minutes ago, I started turning into this."

Nick nodded at the concise report. The too concise report. She was leaving something out. "So what exactly did you say to or about Barton to get them this riled up? This reeks of the Banner so it was definitely Barton." While it was common knowledge that Bruce Banner was not a pushover (see his alter ego) many forgot that it wasn't the Hulk that made him formidable. It was that the man was smart as hell and crazy protective over those he called his. Clint was most definitely his.

Maria exhaled slowly. "I asked what either of them even remembered about their real mothers."

Well, that explained that. Mothers were a sore point for both Stark and Barton, though it was particularly painful for Clint. He was younger Stark when his parents died and he barely remembered his mother. Fury knew Clint actually struggled to remember anything other than his abusive alcoholic father in regards to his years before he and his brother fled the orphanage. He wasn't always successful so Nick knew the comment stung. Aside from apparently the Avengers, there were only a handful of people that knew the real story about Clint's past. Nick was disappointed to admit that Maria was one of them. He supposed that disappointment was reflected in his gaze as she lowered her head.

"It was an admittedly low and unnecessary blow. I am genuinely sorry for stooping to that level. I tried to apologize to Stark but obviously," she held up her arms, gesturing to her body. "I have no idea where Barton is. He disappeared and if they know, no member of the Avengers is telling me. Not even Rogers."

Nick put a point in the captain's book. He was finally grasping the dynamics of the team. Good for him. "Agent Hill, I suggest you take the rest of the afternoon off. Perhaps by the morning, either that will have worn off or you may find them in a more hospitable mood." Good luck with either of those. Nick knew the team well. They were some vengeful bastards. And she was lucky that it was only Banner and Stark. If Natasha was involved, Maria would be lucky if there was enough of her to dye purple after the assassin got done.

"Yes, sir," Maria replied. She paused. "I truly am sorry. They're pains in the ass but I crossed the line."

"Yes, you did," was all he would say on the matter. It was all that really needed to be said. She nodded before walking out the door. Nick sighed, sitting back at his desk. Truth be told, he was concerned now. He was getting used to Barton again. He didn't want to go back to the distant archer he was forced to deal with for the past few months. Regretting that he had to do this, but knowing there was no other way, Nick picked up his phone to dial the only person with the experience to get them past this potential setback.

"Please tell me you need me for something, boss."

Nick's lips curved into a wry smile. "Vacation not agreeing with you, Phil?"

"Vacation is boring," Phil sighed into the phone. "I never thought I'd actually miss the crazy. Charlotte's great but her family is boring as hell. I keep hoping for an alien invasion or Eco terrorist mutants or something remotely interesting. Please tell me something interesting is happening."

"I wouldn't say it was interesting but we might have a situation," Nick replied. He relayed the story to Phil, trusting that the other man would have an answer. When he was done, Nick sighed. "The worst part is I don't even know if Clint is even still in the building. I also don't know if I have to worry about Natasha sneaking into Maria's apartment tonight."

"Well the second one is a legitimate concern and you should plan accordingly. But about the first one, have you looked up lately?"

Look up…. Nick did precisely that and found a pair of slate blue eyes staring back at him. A hand moved up to wave at him and he found himself returning the gesture. He motioned for the agent to join him and watched as he loosened a metal piece enough to slip through the grate.

"Now we know why you're their handler," he said, watching as Clint sat in what was just decided upon as his chair.

"I'm their handler because I'm the only one that doesn't run screaming when they do what they do. Tell Stark he's grounded until he undoes what he just did. I have the override codes to JARVIS and I will use them. As for Banner, let him know it's unfair to bring biological weapons to a knife fight. Tell Clint, breakfast is on me when he picks me up from the airport in the morning."

Nick glanced at Clint, who was clearly hearing the conversation judging by the small smile on the man's lips. "You know you have another week, Phil." Clint scowled a little.

"I can take the week just as well at home. Sounds like the kids just need some nice quality time without the wicked stepmother." Nick grinned.

"Spoken like a true mother."

Phil snorted. "And who exactly do you think they've made the dad in this twisted family of theirs, boss? Try not to let them do anything too stupid. See you tomorrow."

Nick didn't have a chance to reply as the line was disconnected. He looked up again at Clint, who was sitting with his legs folded underneath him in the chair staring at one of his arrows which dangled from his hand idly. Nick was struck by how the young the archer looked in that moment. For a minute, he was reminded of the hurting but defiant young man they met ten years ago. Nick never thought they would ever find anything worth saving in Clint. He was never prouder to be so very wrong.

"So I assume you were up there for awhile."

"Since the whole wicked stepmother incident," Clint confirmed with his eyes still locked on the arrow head.

"Then you heard Agent Hill's apology."

"Yeah. The dye will wear off later tonight. And don't worry Nat isn't going anywhere near her. Tony found enough personal info hacking into Hill's email and Facebook that Nat has blackmail for years. She doesn't kill her sources of entertainment."

That should've been disturbing but sadly it wasn't. Nick shrugged. His moral compass was all but gone since working with SHIELD. It got a little more imaginary working with the Avengers. "Clint, are you ok?"

Clint's eyes widened as he finally met Fury's gaze. "Yeah, I'm fine. I mean that was screwed up but it's not the worst thing anyone has ever said to me. Bruce is just overprotective and taking this family thing way too seriously."

Nick didn't blame him or any of the others but he also knew better than to voice that particular opinion out loud. "I wasn't asking you about this. I'm asking if you're ok, period. We didn't really get a chance to talk much after the whole Loki thing."

Clint let out a breathy sigh. "Yeah… I'm ok…. I mean… I'm getting there." The arrow danced over his fingers with practiced ease. "It really wasn't my fault... was it?" One day he'd be able to say that without question but Nick was just happy that he was able to say it at all.

"No, Clint, it wasn't. The only person I blame is Loki. And if those other agents had half your common sense they wouldn't blame you either."

A soft smile spread across Clint's face and Fury could almost see some of the weight lifting off his shoulders. They had a long road ahead of them but Nick was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It looked good. And that's when he heard the banging and rustling sounds coming from the same air vents that Clint was hiding in just minutes before. Only Clint was sitting in his office also staring up at the vents with a confused expression.

"You're completely certain he went this way?"

"Yes, I'm sure for the hundredth freaking time! Wait, why did it seriously take two of us to do this anyway?"

"Just shut up and move!"

"You shut up and move, Anastasia!"

"Oh, that's original, Iron Ass!"

"Hey! Only Clint gets to call me that!"

Nick rolled his eye at the continued bickering and shoving that occurred as they moved closer to his office. He knew he was going to regret making the ducts wide enough to fit more than one person but Phil insisted. He worried since the first day Clint pulled his disappearing act into one of the vents that they would never be able to get him back out. It was a fear with some basis of truth. Once after a mission gone south, the archer escaped from medical and practically lived in the air vents for almost a week, only coming down for the occasional bathroom breaks, and living off food that Nick knew Natasha and Phil were smuggling to him. After that Fury made the order to have the ducts renovated and widened enough to always be able to get the kid out. But apparently that meant that everyone was exercising that option.

"Look, the grate is moved over there. Told you he went this way!"

"Lucky guess… wait, whose office is that?"

"How should I know? I'm not Clint I don't have the whole building memorized."

"Yes, you do."

"Yeah. Yeah, I do. So I'm pretty sure that we're over…" the voice trailed off as Tony and Natasha came into view. Their wide eyes were the only visible part of their faces over the edge of the open grate. "Oh, hey, it's Fury's office."

"No shit," Natasha hissed, kicking him in the thigh. She pulled herself a little further up to see better. "Good afternoon, Director Fury. I can explain."

"I know," Nick cut her off, smiling internally. "Lost someone?"

"How'd you know?"

"Hey guys," Clint laughed, moving over to where his two friends were still hovering. "What the hell are you two doing up there?"

"Obviously looking for you," Natasha replied. "Steve is calling for more of his beloved team bonding exercises at the movies. Apparently it offends his delicate sensibilities that we never see movies at the actual movie theater. So he wants to pay to see them legally. Whatever."

Clint raised an eyebrow. "Steve wants us to go to the movies? Together? In public? Without responsible or sane adult supervision?"

"I know, right!" Tony actually giggled. "It's like Christmas came early! For the record, I can make that happen if you want."

"No, thanks," Clint shook his head. "I'm good. My room is overflowing with the twenty years of birthday presents that you insisted upon."

"We had a lot of catch up."

"I still don't know what I'm supposed to do with that pony."

"Don't all kids want a pony?" Tony asked, confused.

"That would generally be a wish for female children," Natasha sighed. "In case your ego is starting to block out your eyesight, Clint is all male and very much an adult."

"You would know all about that huh, Natasha," Tony smirked before grunting in pain at the elbow Natasha jabbed in his stomach. Clint was simply shaking his head. "Did you have to hit me so hard?"

"Do you have to fail so hard?" Natasha shot back.

"Children," Fury called out. They both blinked at him in surprise before grins formed on their faces. Oh brother. "Aren't you supposed to be going somewhere?"

"Oh, right!" Tony nodded. "Let's get a move on, Legolas. If we hurry, we can raid the concession stand. I've always wondered what Thor on a sugar high would look like."

There as so much wrong in this conversation that Nick didn't know where to start. The rational part of him knew he needed to put a stop to this because seriously his team wasn't all together there mentally. Steve was the closest they got to sane but he was starting to find humor in the team's antics. Banner used to be sane but then he met Tony and Clint. Sanity went out the window right about then. Thor was like a hyperactive puppy on crack. There was no telling what the god would get into when left to his own devices. And when left with Tony and Clint (and the overly indulgent Banner and amused Steve) there was only going to be mayhem. Natasha wasn't overtly insane but she was devious and enjoyed chaos as much as the rest of them. There was no way that sending them out to a crowded public venue on a weekend afternoon was going to end any other way than horrible.

Despite his well-informed concerns, another part won out. The part of him that was happy to see Clint smiling along with Tony and Natasha. The archer took their offered hands and jumped up to join the pair in the vents. Nick shook his head.

"You do know I have this thing called a door, right?"

"Doors are highly overrated!" was the last thing he heard as the trio moved away, still giggling and pushing each other.

Nick didn't bother to fight the smile this time around. Their first meeting was a disaster. Thor, Tony and Steve were trying to kill each other on the first day. Banner wanted to hide away. Natasha was grieving her lost partner. And Clint… Clint was unmade. But then Phil "died" and that was enough to spur them into action. Saving Clint from himself was enough to bring them together into the weird family unit he saw today. But it wasn't just Clint that was saved in all of this. He noticed changes in all of them. They were all starting to change for the better. They were damaged but together they were something amazing.

That being said, he really hoped Phil's flight got in on time for him to bail them out of jail. There was no way that a public outing was not going to end with one or all of them getting locked up. He turned to his computer with the intent of sending an email to the SHIELD PR department (hired specifically to damage control for whenever an Avenger stepped foot out the tower) in hopes that they would be able to get a jump start on finding a positive spin for six people no doubt terrorizing an entire movie theater. That was the intent. That all faded as he opened an email from Tony that lacked a subject. There was simply a link.

He closed his eye, sighing heavily as he the video footage from their last holiday party played on the screen. Specifically the part where his second in command decided to jump on a table singing _I Will Always Love You_ to a hilariously horrified Sitwell. Nick knew that Tony must've dug deep to find the footage. All videos were deleted once Maria finished her Walk of Shame from Sitwell's quarters to her own. But here it was again. Nick glanced at the top of the email to read the other recipients. As he suspected pretty much everyone received the video. Even agents that were stationed in other parts of the world. Tony was nothing if not a giver.

It was then that he realized this was probably what Phil was referring to having Tony undo. He contemplated calling Stark and yelling at him but was it really worth the headache he'd receive in the end? To say that they were Earth's Mightiest Heroes, and in the habit of consistently saving the world, Nick couldn't help but think of them as a bunch of unruly children (ranging from the ages of 30 to 3000). He closed the video and shook his head.

Phil was never allowed to take another vacation again. Or if he did, he'd have to take them all with him.

* * *

*For the record, I don't really have anything against Maria Hill. But she so is their Evil Stepmother.


	2. Home is Where the Heart is

**Summary:** They were six damaged and hurting individuals but when they were together they were something amazing. They were more than a team, they were a family. A series of one-shots set in the Savior-verse.

**Pairings:** ambiguous Clintasha and mentioned Peppernony

**Warnings:** Just general spoilers for the movie… but everyone should've seen it already by now so no worries!

**Disclaimer:** If I owned anything having to with the _Avengers_ I would be a rich, happy woman. Instead I am a broke, happy woman. One out of two isn't that bad.

**Author's Note:** I wrote this one before the very awesome reviews I received for chapter one. But don't think I didn't read or appreciate those. They also inspired me. I have a few more ideas from some of the reviews I received. So thank you very much, every one who reviewed. And thank to you those who set up alerts. Hope this chapter is as enjoyed as the first.

* * *

**Home is Where the Heart is**

Natasha did not like this. It all just seemed wrong. Like this was just an invitation for something horrible to happen. Every instinct in her told her to just say no, park her ass on the sofa and say the hell with the whole thermo-nuclear physics conference that Bruce was asked to speak at. But that wasn't fair. She was really the only one that could attend with him. Tony was banned from attending conferences simply because he had a tendency to show off and illustrate the many ways he was smarter than everyone else (and he usually was). The entire subject matter went straight over the heads of both Steve and Clint. Steve might be able to sit and listen but Clint would get bored. A bored Clint was not a good thing to have around. Asking Thor to attend would be just a successful as asking Clint to sit still and not climb the walls (literally). So that left Natasha. At first she didn't mind. But then it came to time to leave and everything in her was screaming to stay behind.

It wasn't that she didn't trust Steve. She did. She trusted him with her life and for the most part with the lives of the other Avengers… except Clint. She wasn't sure she trusted anyone with that just yet. She was working on it. But she wasn't confident that now was the time to explore that trust. Not when she was going to be in Switzerland and Clint was here in NYC. That was too big of a distance in case something went wrong. And she was leaving Thor, Tony and Clint together with just Steve as backup. Something was going to go wrong.

"Clint, you're sure you don't want to go with us?" she asked the balled up figure on the sofa she was leaning against. Clint moaned, lifting his head long enough to glare blearily in her direction before burrowing back into the pillow. "Well, guess that answered that question."

"Natasha," Steve rested a hand on her shoulder. "We'll be fine. Nothing is going to happen. Even if another alien invasion occurs we won't do anything until you and Bruce come back."

Natasha chewed on her lip. She knew that she was being irrational. She knew that they all knew she was being irrational. But screw that. She deserved this moment of irrationality. Just a few weeks ago, she was sitting in the window just down the hall holding onto Clint as he finally fell apart and started the slow process of pulling himself back together. So she figured that she was allowed to be nervous about leaving him. She was allowed to be irrational.

"He's going to be fine," a voice whispered in her ear. She leaned against the arm Bruce wrapped around her shoulders, nodding. "You agreed with Tony when he said we're a family. Sometimes in families we have to leave people behind for work. We'll be back and you two will be back to normal before you know it."

She smiled faintly before exhaling slowly. She glanced at Steve who was watching them with a somewhat sad look in his eye. She knew that he still didn't feel as connected to the rest of the team and it ate at him. He was making more of an effort but there was still some distance between them. She knew that Bruce was not so secretly hoping that this weekend would be the shove that they needed towards Steve.

"Ok, fine," she nodded again. "Steve, you have all our numbers. Have JARVIS call if you can't get the phone to work. Make sure that Thor doesn't rot his brain cells watching television all day. If you see him turn towards anything related to _Real Housewives_ or something called _Jersey Shore_, you do whatever it takes to turn that crap off. If you have doubts ask Clint. He'll be able to tell you. As for Clint, if he even looks weird, you call me. Same with Tony. Make sure he eats at least twice and tries to sleep. Drug him if you need to. I left sedatives in the bathroom."

Steve blinked. "Uh, really hope it doesn't come to that but ok."

"Excellent," Natasha clapped her hands together. She leaned over the back of the sofa again to face her sleeping partner. "I'm leaving." She brushed a hand over his cheek and frowned. Was it her imagination or did he feel warmer? Before she could touch him again, Bruce was holding onto her wrist gently. She glanced up at him before rolling her eyes. "Fine! Let's go." She stalked away from the den knowing that if she turned back to look at him she probably wouldn't be able to let go.

Twenty minutes later, she was piloting a quinjet to the hellicarrier where their ride to the conference was waiting. She was flying on autopilot as her mind was still on her partner. Beside her in the co-pilot's seat, Bruce chuckled. It was a warm happy sound and she found herself smiling against her will.

"What?"

Bruce snorted. "You know if you weren't younger than him, I'd swear it was like you were his mother or something."

"More like his grandmother," Natasha said, laughing a little. She glanced out the corner of her eye when she didn't receive a response. "Oh my god, you really don't know? Didn't you read my file?"

"I skimmed it," Bruce admitted, sheepishly.

"Didn't you skim over my birth date?" she asked. Bruce murmured something to the negative. "That would explain why you all keep insisting that Clint is the middle child. He's actually probably the youngest. I think Steve is older than him by a few months."

"Uh, how old are you exactly?" Bruce finally asked, hesitantly. Natasha smirked.

"I was born in 1928."

"1928?" Bruce repeated, nodding his head slowly. There was a heavy pause. "Can I ask what your secret is? Because I must say, you've aged really well."

Natasha smiled, chewing on her lip. "It was part of the Black Widow project. They fixed me, made me… less human. They enhanced my immune system… slowed my aging."

"So it was like the super solider serum?"

"Like that, yes."

"Does Clint know?"

"Of course."

Bruce shrugged. "Ok then."

Natasha glanced at him out the corner of her eye again. He really didn't seem bothered by the fact that she was older than probably all of them (except of course, Thor). It was just another reminder of how different this team was from SHIELD. The other agents were usually wary around her once they knew her true age. She didn't get a convenient frozen in ice story to explain her preservation. The only one who accepted it at face value and never seemed to care was Clint. He teased her for a little while at first, calling her grandma but gradually it just became another thing. But now she had a whole team of people that didn't care. She knew Tony and Steve knew. They would've read the files with more detail but they never said a word. They didn't treat her differently. A smile formed on her lips. So this is what being a part of something special was like. She was starting to like this family thing.

* * *

Steve let out a breath of relief when he heard the quinjet take off at last. He never thought they were going to leave. Natasha looked read to strap Clint to her back and drag him out of the Tower. But he understood why. He imagined if Peggy and Bucky were wrapped into one person, he would feel the same way. So he didn't take it personally. He just hoped that he didn't screw this up. He knew that this was a test of some sorts. If the three left behind Avengers weren't in the same condition by the time Bruce and Natasha returned, he was a dead man. But he wasn't kidding either. He didn't care if an entire fleet of aliens dropped out of the sky at this very moment, they weren't stepping foot out of this tower until the whole team was back together. He was not going to let one of them get injured or worse. If that meant they stayed in all weekend, then so be it.

"Captain Rogers."

Steve raised an eyebrow. "Yes, JARVIS?"

"It would appear that Agent Barton's internal temperature is rising."

Steve felt his brow furrow. "Uh, how do you know that?"

"Master Stark and Agent Romanoff have me running a scan of his biochemistry every two hours. I also run a scan on his REM cycles to monitor his actual sleeping patterns. Would you be requiring these reports in Agent Romanoff's absence?"

"Uh, no, that's ok," Steve resisted the urge to face palm. What the hell was wrong with this team? He shook his head and headed back to the den where Clint was still curled up on the sofa. Thor was back in the room with more snacks than humanly possible, including a giant box of Pop Tarts (his new obsession of the week) and a 3 liter Pepsi. There was a literal army of Pillow Pets beside him, including the penguin one Clint insisted on sleeping with. Steve didn't really mind as it insured that man actually got sleep.

Thor didn't bother turning to acknowledge Steve, his attention captured by the television. Steve gave it a brief glance but didn't see anything that sounded like the shows Natasha warned him about so he turned back to Clint. Now that he took a good look at the archer, he did seem a little pale. His cheeks though were flushed. Oh, that's not good.

"Clint?" he shook the agent's shoulder gently. "Hey, I need you wake up for a minute."

"Don't wanna," Clint murmured, turning further into his pillow pet. Steve frowned, feeling the too warm skin of Clint's shoulder through his thin t-shirt. Yeah, he was definitely running a fever. Crap. Steve started poking the man using a little bit of super strength. He was rewarded by a low moan that spawned a coughing fit.

Steve lurched forward putting his hands under Clint's arms and hauling him upward. Altogether the fit lasted under three minutes but it was far too long for Steve to be comfortable. Clint sat shaking and taking deep, congested breaths in the equally shaken Steve's arms.

"What in the name of the All Father was that?" Thor's very alarmed voice asked causing the two Earth blonds to look in his direction. The Pop Tarts were scattered on the ground where they landed after Thor's flailing arms knocked the box over in his haste to get away from Clint's coughing. In the god's defense, it did sound similar to a car backfiring repeatedly and loudly. So Steve supposed his concern (read fear) was valid.

"Its fine, Thor," Steve assured him, trying to sound more calm than he actually felt. "Clint just has a cold." Please, let it just be a cold. "He's fine."

"Steve, I…."

"Please tell me you're not one of those people that deny being sick."

"No, I…."

"Clint, no arguments. You're getting in bed and you're staying there," Steve cut him off firmly. Clint rolled his eyes before learning over the super soldier as much as possible with Steve's arms still holding him in place. It still wasn't enough to prevent the edges of Steve's socks from meeting the breakfast and lunch Natasha forced on him before she left. Steve grimaced. "Ok, well, you're going to bed and staying there after you take a shower."

An hour later, Steve was standing in one of the bathrooms blinking uneasily at the various bottles of colored liquid. They all claimed to be medicine and all designed to bring relief but Steve didn't know exactly what he was trying to relieve. From what he understood from Clint's gesturing and grunts, the archer had a sore throat, headache, the obvious fever and he ached all over. He threw up again before Thor, with his total lack of shame, manhandled him into the shower. He was now dressed in his pajamas and in bed. Thor was watching over him while Steve went through the medicine cabinet, feeling completely lost… and old. Because really back in his day, there was one syrup that did one thing. There wasn't this variety. Variety meant choices. He didn't want choices. He wanted to get Clint better before Natasha and Bruce got home and killed him for letting Clint get sick.

But all he saw were choices and decisions that he didn't and couldn't make. What if he made the wrong decision? That would be worse than letting him get sick in the first place. No, he needed to be smart about this. Or rather, he needed to defer to someone smarter.

"JARVIS?" he always felt odd talking to the AI system. "Could you ask Tony to come here for a minute?"

"Master Stark has requested that he be left alone until Dr. Banner and Agent Romanoff return on Friday."

Steve frowned. "Why would he do that?"

"My guess is he wants to be alone."

Of course Tony would program a computer to be sarcastic. Of course! Still, Steve was used to this from JARVIS and continued to press. "I know what he asked but this very important. Can't you just let me in there for a minute?"

"I cannot let you in, Captain Rogers… without the override code that Ms. Potts leaves on the fridge."

Steve smiled brightly. And sometimes he loved that damn AI. He rushed out the bathroom and into the kitchen. Sure enough on the fridge was a list of emergency contacts that he was certain Tony never even glanced at or else he would've seen the override codes written on the bottom of the paper. Steve sent a silent thanks to Pepper before marching down to Tony's lab. He entered the codes, taking a deep breath, mentally steeling himself for what he was going to see. In the few weeks that the Avengers came together to be a strange team/family, Steve got used to seeing a lot of odd things in the lab area. But even he wasn't fully prepared for the pale, hunched over Tony, who was glaring at him from underneath hooded eyes.

"JARVIS, you're a traitor," Tony coughed. "I'm going to send you to a public school for month."

"Tony," Steve reprimanded absently. He was far too distracted by the droopy brown hair and bright red nose. Thankfully his face didn't appear as flushed as Clint's but there was no telling what the day would bring. "So you're sick too, huh?"

"I'm not sick," Tony retorted, hoarsely. He cleared his throat before cocking his head to the side. "Wait, what do you mean 'sick too'? Who's sick?"

"You mean besides you? Clint."

"What? Since when?"

"Since an hour ago," Steve replied, feeling the tight pressure in his chest relaxing now that he was finally able to share this burden with someone else. "He's coughing, vomiting and he has a fever. I don't know what to do because there are so many medicines in the cabinet and I don't know which one to choose and Bruce and Natasha are coming home in two days and I don't think that's going to be enough time to get him better!"

Tony blinked at the panicked onslaught of words before holding up a hand. His free hand wiped absently at his nose. "Ok, slow down, Capt. It sounds like our Hawk has the flu. It's not that strange. We both got flu shots on Monday."

"Flu shots? But those are vaccines, right? I thought they were supposed to help."

"They do but sometimes people have bad reactions to them. Also remember that up until last month, Clint wasn't really eating or sleeping regularly. He was bound to come down with something sooner or later," Tony shrugged, clearing his throat again.

"And you?" Steve asked, looking his friend over critically.

"Not dying, Stars and Stripes. Just a bad cold," as he spoke, Tony rose slowly as if testing his ability to stand. After a few moments, he nodded and looked back at Steve. "Alright, let's go check on our little birdie." Steve simply followed Tony out of the lab, feeling better now that Tony was involved and taking charge. This of course led him to feeling really stupid because he was the team leader. He was supposed to know what to do. "You're not stupid."

"What?" Steve asked, surprised at the sudden intrusion into his thoughts.

"You're not stupid. You just don't know about modern medicine," Tony shrugged as they walked towards Clint's room. "Yet. You don't know about it yet. Steve, you've been frozen for seventy years. No one expects you to learn all about the world in a few weeks. We all have things we're good at. During a mission, we all follow you. The normal everyday stuff, you follow me."

Steve let out a slow breath. "Yeah, I know. I just feel… useless."

"Well now you know how Tasha, Clint and I feel when you and Thor are chucking cars around all willy nilly."

"The genius billionaire playboy philanthropist admits to feeling useless?"

Tony gave him an unreadable look but it was one that Steve never saw on his friend's face before. It was sad. It was mournful. It was completely foreign to him. But worst of all was the resignation that he could read there in Tony's eyes. A second later, it was gone as if it was never there in the first place.

"Well, they say that the first step is admitting you have a problem," Tony finally replied, shrugging off the moment. "Maybe one day I'll get around to actually carrying my weight around here."

He was pushing through the door to Clint's room before Steve could even react to that statement. He wasn't sure how to react. Tony really felt that way? If it wasn't for Tony, all of Manhattan would've been nuked. They wouldn't have a home without the man. They wouldn't be a family without him. How could he think he was anything less than amazing? And then with a pang straight to his heart, Steve understood. Sometimes he really was an idiot. He never did apologize to Tony for his completely wrong assessment on the helicarrier. He wanted to blame Loki for it but it was his own hang-ups and insecurities that caused him to lash out at Tony. He just assumed that everything was ok between them. But clearly it wasn't.

"Hey, Capt. Slow Ass," Tony yelled, pulling him out of his thoughts. He followed the genius' voice into Clint's rom. He found all three of his teammates on the bed looking for all the world like it was totally normal for three grown (and in Thor's case very grown) men to be sharing a bed. And with the Avengers, it really wasn't that odd. Clint was practically draped across Thor, his head resting on the god's chest. Tony was trying his best to check his temperature and not wake him up. Thor had one arm wrapped around his friend and the other was scooping hands full of popcorn as he watched a movie.

"You rang," Steve drawled, leaning against the doorway.

"Do me a favor and get the Dayquil. It's the yellow bottle in the bathroom cabinet. That should help him a little. I mean it's the flu so he's going to be out of it for the next few days."

"What is the flu?" Thor asked, tuning back into the conversation. "It must be strong if it was enough to strike down our comrade."

"Well flu is just a shortened version of the word influenza. It's really a bitch of a virus that loves to strike at the most inconvenient time. Like when the actual doctor and scary assassin girlfriend leave for the weekend."

"Not m' girlfriend," Clint slurred from where his head was still plastered against Thor. Steve didn't think he was even really awake at the moment. Thor's hand lifted to run fingers through Clint's hair. The archer hummed happily, snuggling deeper into Thor's welcoming embrace. "Shut up, Tony."

Tony snorted. "I didn't say anything. Comfortable?"

"Mmm," Clint murmured, looking very comfortable indeed. "Asshole."

"I try."

Steve gave them a brief smile before leaving to get the medicine. As he walked away he could hear Tony teasing the apparently cuddle happy Clint. Steve could hear the strain in his voice from the obviously sore throat. Tony was so fixated on helping Clint get better, that he forgot he wasn't much healthier at the moment. Steve wouldn't dare take that away from Tony though. Steve knew that Clint was the little brother Tony never had. So he would let Tony help Clint but he would help Tony.

* * *

Tony hated being sick. He hated it more than anything in the world. Being sick meant you were vulnerable. It meant that you were weak. It also meant that he couldn't be more helpful to the much sicker Clint. The deeply congested breathing was a little easier since Steve returned with the Dayquil long enough to help them force it down Clint's throat. He was out the door a few minutes after that and Tony had no idea where he was almost an hour later. He contemplated getting up to find the man but decided that movement was just not happening.

So instead, he shifted closer to the virtual furnace that was Thor and rested his head on one of the dozen of pillow pets that were decorating the bed. He stared hazily at the movie Thor, and to some lesser degree Clint, was watching. "Really, Clint?"

"Bite me."

"You bitch and moan when I call you Legolas but here you are watching_ The Lord of the Rings_." Tony craned his neck to better see his friend's face. The already flushed face grew brighter.

"There's nothing else on," Clint whined, lifting his head off Thor's chest. "And you bought them for me."

Tony smiled hesitantly and rested his hand on Clint's arm. There was nothing more to say. He felt almost giddy knowing that his friend valued something he claimed to hate just because Tony bought it. He bought a lot of things for a lot of people but few showed that level of appreciation. As a matter of fact, the few that did lived under that roof. He was currently sharing a bed with Thor's appreciation. One day he'd figure out how Thor moved those stupid pillow pets so fast. It had to be his cape. It just had to be.

"I enjoy this film much more than the game of hunger."

Tony raised an eyebrow even as Clint moaned. "You watched _The Hunger Games_? Without me?"

"I didn't want you giving me yet another nickname," Clint admitted, weakly poking his friend on the arm. "Next time?"

"Ok," Tony grinned. He settled down once again on Thor's free side, stealing popcorn every now and then.

He wondered if this was what being sick in a family was supposed to be like. Whenever he was sick as a child, his father foisted him off on nannies and butlers. He learned how lonely it was when your body was betraying you and all of the people around you were helping you because they were getting paid. He never had anyone to sit and watch movies with when he was a child. He never had Thor and Clint's running criticisms about how they could do pretty much everything better if they were in that situation. He smiled lazily, letting their words wash over him. It was nice. Like a blanket. A warm, fluffy….

"Tony?"

He opened his eyes, not sure when he closed them in the first place. He found a pair of blue eyes staring at him in concern. "Steve?"

"You were expecting someone else?"

"There are a lot of blue eyed blondes in this house," Tony croaked, wincing at his throat. It no longer ached. It was like a full burn. Steve held a hand against his lips effectively silencing him. Almost as if he needed the silence to heighten his other slowed senses, Tony smelled something heavenly.

"I figured you probably haven't eaten anything today and I did promise Natasha I was going to keep you fed," Steve smiled sheepishly. "So I made soup."

"You know we have canned soup," Tony couldn't help but blurt out.

"I know but this was the soup my mother made for me when I was sick. It always helped me feel better so…."

Tony allowed Steve to help him sit up before he was handed a bowl. Out the corner of his eye, he saw Clint was gingerly sipping at a mug full of the same soup. Thor was attacking his with the same gusto he applied to everything in his life. Tony took a tentative spoonful and smiled.

"This is good."

Steve's smile brightened even further. "Good. I made a lot. You know, in case you wanted more for later." Tony nodded, consumed with the task of devouring the soup. He could feel it soothing his scratchy throat. Steve hovered awkwardly by the bed. "So what were you guys doing?"

"Watching this film which makes even less sense as the story continues," Thor replied, his brow furrowing. "The man was a wizard. Was there no other way to return the ring to the mountain of fire than to embark on this foolish quest?"

"Who taught him sarcasm and logic?" Clint asked, giving the god a look.

"That would probably be you," Steve answered, sitting on the edge of the bed.

Tony wondered if the man even realized what he did. He also wondered if either of the other two noticed that they both shifted over to allow Steve more room on the bed. By the time they reached the end of the second film, Steve was fully lying down on the bed. Tony was sandwiched between the super soldier and Thor and finally felt the chills leaving his bones. Clint was sleeping, loud, congested snores escaping every now and then. Thor was also sleeping, somehow keeping his usual epic snoring to a dull roar. It was only Tony and Steve left awake to watch the weary Fellowship soldier on towards their goal.

"Thanks," Tony whispered, mindful of how easily disturbed the sleeping men were.

"For what?"

"The soup and taking care of us."

Steve nudged him on the arm. "It's what family is for, right?"

"Yeah, I guess it is," Tony chuckled. "Hey, Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"Does the super soldier serum let you get sick? Cuz you're pretty much cuddling with a bunch of sick dudes. I know Thor has the whole god thing working for him. But you're still human… sorta. And I can smell the sick coming off Clint."

Steve laughed quietly. "I don't really remember getting sick since I… you know." He gestured to his body. "It enhances my immune system, so I guess it would take a lot more than the flu to get me sick."

Tony narrowed his eyes in thought. He wondered if Steve would be immune to the more severe strains of the flu virus and if he was, what other viruses would he show immunity towards. Steve reached up, flicking him on the arm.

"What as that for?"

"I'm not letting you inject me with viruses just to test my resistance to various diseases."

"How'd you know… let me guess, it's something my dad would've done," Tony said, bitterness dripping from his voice.

"No, trying to make your friend sick on purpose is very much a Tony Stark thing to do," Steve laughed quietly. "I just know you, Tony."

Tony smiled, nodding slowly. "I think you do, Capt. I think you do." He paused. "You think Thor would let me?"

"You're hopeless."

* * *

Bruce was miserable. After the gamma incident and before SHIELD, he never thought that he would have an opportunity to attend scientific conferences again. But now he could. The thought normally would've excited him. But all could do was wonder what his friends were getting up to at home. He wondered if someone forced Tony and Clint to eat yet. He wondered if Thor managed to set yet another toaster on fire. Or if Steve was ready to pack them all up and ship them to SHIELD until Natasha and Bruce returned. He wondered and he missed. He missed the four of them.

He drummed his fingers against his thigh, trying hard to focus on the current presentation. It was interesting but he already knew all about the topic. It took the scientist at the podium years of valuable research to understand and master this subject. It took Tony the time between his second cup of coffee and the tenth to get it. He was on his fifteenth by the time he finished explaining it to Bruce. He would've gone for a record breaking sixteenth but Natasha cut him off. He's also pretty sure that she drugged the coffee too because all of sudden Tony face planted at his workspace. Bruce chuckled at the memory.

"What's so funny?" Natasha asked, leaning into his shoulder.

"Just remembering the time you drugged Tony."

"Which one?" Natasha asked with a grin of her own. "I swear his insomnia is even worse than Clint. And I've seen Clint go a week without taking a nap during a stakeout mission. Of course, he crashed epically on the flight back. But Tony still makes him look practically narcoleptic."

A man sitting beside her shushed them. The look he received in response would be enough to kill. The cowed man only stammered out an apology and suddenly felt the need for a restroom.

"Having fun?" Bruce asked, dryly. Natasha gave him a smirk.

"What? Not all of us are science nerds. I have to find my joy in the little things."

"Like terrorizing science nerds?"

"You know Fury has a theory that if we're not causing mayhem and destruction, it's a problem. I wouldn't want to cause any problems."

"How civil minded of you."

Natasha laughed and it was low and throaty, the type of sound that made men go crazy. Bruce supposed he would be one of those men if he didn't think of the woman like a little (well, maybe not anymore) sister. It made him think of his other self-designated family members and he found himself drifting again.

"You ok?"

"I miss them," he admitted. "I'm at a conference that a year ago, I would've done just about anything to attend and all I want to do is be at home. I want to listen to Clint and Tony arguing about the logistics of Tony building protective full body armor for Clint. I want to explain Earth to Thor. I want to watch Steve try and figure out his cellphone. I just want to go home."

Natasha rested her chin on his shoulder, looking at him from under her eyelashes. "So then let's go home."

"You don't think I'm weird and codependent?"

"You have seen me with Clint, right?"

"Yeah," he snickered. "Let's go home."

It took less time than they thought to explain that they had a family emergency and needed to leave. They made a quick stop at the hotel to check out and then they were on their way back to the airfield. Bruce was prepping himself to basically beg for the pilot to fly them back home but they soon found that the man was actually waiting for them.

"You took longer than he thought you would," the man said, ushering them back into the plane. Bruce and Natasha exchanged confused looks. "Agent Coulson called about an hour ago. Said he was shocked you actually let me fly you here. Thought you would've had second thoughts before you even took off."

Bruce opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it. Coulson was such an omnipotent bastard sometimes. But he looked out for them. Bruce shrugged, settling back in his seat and closing his eyes. He had a feeling that he was going to need his rest. By the time they got back to New York, the others would've been left to their own devices for pretty much an entire day. They'd be lucky if the Tower was still standing when they got home.

Nine hours, and several smirks from Coulson and Fury later, Natasha and Bruce were landing on the Tower's roof. So far it looked like nothing happened. Neither Nick nor Phil reported anything weird in the day since they left. They actually admitted to hearing nothing from any of the four men. That was… concerning.

They took the elevator up to the floor designated at the living floor. Most of the bedrooms were on this floor and it wasn't out of the ordinary to find one or all of them camped out in the common area on this floor. Especially at night seeing as how they all had crazy sleep cycles and nightmares.

Bruce let out a breath of relief as he heard the television playing down the hall in the common area. He followed the sounds, not really sure what he was expecting to find but it certainly wasn't all four of his teammates squeezed together on the sofa's king sized pullout bed. There was a variety of snacks and bowls of what looked like soup surrounding them. Clint and Tony were in the middle of the tangle of limbs and bodies on the sofa. That's when Bruce noticed the odd rise and fall of Clint's chest and the fact that Tony was sleeping with his mouth wide open.

"They're sick?"

Steve jumped, clearly halfway towards sleep himself. Thor, again, didn't bother to acknowledge anyone. Bruce was very concerned about the thunder god's obsession with television. This was worse than the pillow pets. Steve sat up as much as he could with Tony's head on his shoulder.

"You're back?" he asked, yawning. "It's Sunday?"

"No, it's Saturday. We came back early," Natasha replied, coming closer to the sofa. She rested her hand on Clint's hair, wincing a little at the heat. He coughed, a deep chest rattling sound, before lifting his head to look up at her. "Hey."

"Knew you wouldn't make it to Sunday," he said, giving a ghost of his usual smirk. Natasha smiled in response.

"How long have they been like this?" Bruce asked, even as he gave Tony a cursory check up. He wasn't running a fever but his throat felt swollen. So basically just a nasty cold.

"Since you guys left," Steve replied. "I think Tony is getting better. At least he's getting sleep now."

"Cuz Thor drugged him," Clint tattled. Thor gave a sheepish smile.

"Lady Natasha requested that we insure that he had the proper amount of sleep. He was not getting any sleep watching over you, so I took the necessary steps to make sure that he received a sufficient amount of rest."

"You drugged him," Clint repeated with a smirk.

"Aye, I drugged him."

Bruce snickered while Natasha just laughed. He could feel the tension rolling off both of them as they settled down. He made a mental note to thank Tony for his ridiculously extravagant purchases that allowed all six of them to be comfortable on the sofa bed.

"What movie are we watching?"

"A series about impossible missions," Thor replied. "We've reached the fourth one. I believe there is one man that resembles our friend, Hawk. Tell me, Lady Natasha, is there any truth to his tale that he has never been a part of this agency."

"For the last time," Clint sniffled. "I was never part of IMF because it's not real and that guy doesn't look anything like me!"

"Keep telling yourself that," Steve shot back. "He even sounds like you."

"I despise you," Clint murmured, burrowing himself deeper into the cocoon of blankets set up around him.

"See if I make you soup again."

A pair of puppy dog blue eyes appeared from within the confines of the blanket. "Sorry, Steve."

Bruce reclined against the back of the chair, grinning. Though his eyes were on the screen, the rest of the team had his full attention. Natasha was resting on the floor directly in front of Clint. Her head leaned back against his blanket covered feet. Thor was still watching the film though Bruce noticed his attention was also on the team. He caught the god's gaze for a moment and nodded. Tony was completely oblivious to the world, which meant that he was long overdue on rest. Steve was dozing once again with his head resting against Tony's.

Bruce knew that he was transparent in hoping that they would bond while he and Natasha were away. Though he would've preferred they found another reason to bond other than Tony and Clint both getting sick, he supposed they never really took the easy road around here. But it appeared that he no longer had to worry about Steve not fitting in with the rest of them. He even had a pillow pet of his own. He was right when he wanted to leave the conference. There would be other conferences that maybe one day he'd actually want to stay for. But right now, this whole team thing was still new. It was still exciting. Right now he just wanted to stay as close to them as possible.

"Wait, why are you guys out here? Clint has a tv in his room."

"Thor broke the bed."

Bruce raised an eyebrow. "Do I even want to know?"

Clint laughed which morphed into a cough. "Let's just say it involved the might of Mjolnir. And Tony's right, Thor should never bring down the hammer."

Bruce just took that to mean that no, he was much better off not knowing what happened. so instead he stretched his legs out, stole a pillow pet to put behind his back and got comfortable. Despite the two sick teammates and the insanity that followed them wherever they went, it was good to be home.

* * *

*The end for now. Hope you enjoyed.


	3. I'm Not Dead Just Yet

**Summary:** They were six damaged and hurting individuals but when they were together they were something amazing. They were more than a team, they were a family. A series of one-shots set in the Savior-verse.

**Pairings:** ambiguous Clintasha and mentioned Peppernony

**Warnings:** Just general spoilers for the movie… but everyone should've seen it already by now so no worries!

**Disclaimer:** If I owned anything having to with the _Avengers_ I would be a rich, happy woman. Instead I am a broke, happy woman. One out of two isn't that bad. Also I don't own P!nk's song, "I'm Not Dead" where the title of this story is stolen from. Also I don't own the cover image for this story. That belongs to GraceLuna18 at Jigidi.

**Author's Note:** Hello there! Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews and alerts. You all know how to make a girl so very happy. For those requesting a follow up to the movie adventure, don't worry it's definitely happening. This one is pretty much a prequel to the first chapter and my fix-it for Phil's "death".

* * *

**I'm not Dead, Just Yet **

Despite what may be said about him Phil Coulson was not anyone's mother. He may have strong protective instincts when it comes to the six person team that he is the sole handler for but that doesn't make him the mother of the twisted family unit they've built. They are adults. They don't need a parental figure. Except it doesn't exactly take a rocket scientist to see that they kind of do. All of them are orphans, except Thor, who is essentially an orphan on Earth. And it isn't very hard to see why or how they manage to see in their handler and the director the qualities they would've had in a parent. Unsurprisingly, Nick fits in quite nicely to the father role. He's overly tolerant of their eccentricities and impatient yet fair with their failures. Although if Nick throws one more weapon at Natasha as means of getting her to back down or indulge Tony and Bruce's mad scientist routine by increasing the R&D budget in their favor, Phil is going to quit. There needs to be consequences for their actions… and ok, so he was the mother.

There were worse things in the world than being the fake, not to mention male, mother of a group of damaged superheroes. He could be dead. He nearly was but SHIELD is SHIELD. They prepare for everything. He was whisked away for a long surgery followed by a longer recovery. When he was finally able to croak out whole sentences, it occurred to him that not a single member of the Avengers came by to see him. While this may not have been odd in the case of Steve, Thor or Bruce, he was a little surprised that not even Tony was there to see him. He was more than a little sad and disappointed that neither Clint nor Natasha came by either.

That's when Nick sheepishly admitted to going along with Phil's suggested ploy at getting them to play nice. Phil admitted that it sounded good in theory but he was dying at the time and suffering from blood loss. Nothing he said then should've been taken seriously. But it was because Fury did. Phil woke from a two day coma to discover that his two loner assassins that only trusted one another and him not only joined the Avengers and saved the world but also believed he was dead. For one brief moment, Phil wished he actually was dead. Not because of any strong desire to shuffle off the mortal coil. But because he knew how hard it was for Clint and Natasha to trust anyone and Fury, and to a lesser extent Phil, just straight up violated that trust. Knowing that his being alive would inevitably cause a lot of pain actually hurt and made briefly made Phil wish Loki had a little more conviction.

Despite his initial death wish, Phil soldiered up and politely requested that Fury get off his ass to tell the returning Avengers that he was in fact not dead. Fury was uncharacteristically apologetic and accepting of Phil's less than subordinate attitude. It turned out that Nick never intended for either Natasha or Clint to hear the story that their handler was dead. It was only supposed to reach Steve and Tony. They were the ones that needed the extra push. Clint and Natasha never required any further push than the one they received when Loki took and brainwashed Clint. But mistakes happen and they found out. And they mourned for nothing. Nick never had a chance to tell them that it wasn't true but they, along with the rest of the team, went off the grid. They were gone for an entire week before they all started showing up at Stark Tower one by one. It wasn't long after their return that Natasha and Clint were summoned by Nick to meet on a floor that shouldn't exist within SHIELD HQ.

Phil's still healing heart broke a little more when Fury returned to the room with two very confused agents trailing after him. It wasn't hard to make out the differences in his two assets. His death shook them harder than he thought. He probably should've known but knowing it and seeing it were two different things. Natasha's eyes widened as she gazed at their not dead handler. He could practically see her brain whirling trying to make sense of this. He saw the exact moment she reached the conclusion that they lied to her. As he waited for her no doubt explosive reaction, Phil allowed a moment to observe Clint. The archer was still standing in the doorway, silently observing. His face was a blank slate. Phil had ten years to get used to reading the kid and now he saw nothing there that he recognized. He would've been upset that Clint wasn't even happy that he was alive if he wasn't so worried about the kid shutting down all his emotions. But there was no time to try and get through to him because in that moment, Natasha finally exploded.

Really she reacted the way he knew she would. Hell hath no fury like a Black Widow really pissed at her handler and director for faking said handler's death. He was familiar with almost all of the languages Natasha spoke fluently but even he was at a loss for some of the words she spit at him that afternoon. Once the angry stream of words was finally exhausted, she examined the wound, determined that it was healing and burst into tears and holding onto him like he was the only port in a storm. Phil knew that he was one of only three people allowed to see her cry. Fortunately, all three of them were in the room. After awhile Nick eased the still sobbing, clingy Natasha off Phil. The agent could hear Nick promising her anything if she would just stop crying. He knew that Fury would more than follow through on his promise. The man could face down any danger in the world but he couldn't handle a girl crying. As a result Natasha would most likely receive more knives and guns this week as an apology. Naturally this meant that Clint was likely getting a new bow and probably more tricked out arrows. Yet Nick wondered why the two were such brats sometimes.

With Natasha's forgiveness being bought by Fury, Clint and Phil were now alone in the room. The archer was sitting in a chair the furthest away from the bed with his feet folded underneath him. It was his tell. And as far as Phil knew, he was the only one who picked up on it. The more uncomfortable Clint was with a situation or a place, the more he would try to retreat. Right now he was only slightly uncomfortable therefore his feet didn't touch the ground. Phil knew that if this was completely intolerable, he'd be up in a vent. Of course he didn't miss the other man's frequent glances upwards.

Blue eyes met his green across the distance of the room. The room was dimmer than the usual hospital setting but there was still enough light for Phil to see that Clint was not ok. If the kid slept at all during his time away from SHIELD, Phil would've got out his bed at that exact moment and danced a freaking jig. But since he knew that sleep was probably not something Clint did, he was secure that no one would ever have to suffer that fate.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, sir."

There wasn't a hint of the familiar Barton sarcasm or sass in his tone. His reply was as empty and flat as his expression. Phil wanted to get out of his bed and shake the archer until he reacted in some other way than this. He wanted to find the strange gun he used on Loki and fire repeatedly. He wanted to do something other than sit here and stare at the unrecognizable shell of a man he mentored and guided for the past ten years.

"Clint," he tried again. He saw the archer swallow as his gaze drifted up towards the vents once more. "I'm sorry that Nick lied to you. I'm sorry you ever thought I was dead."

The kid blinked heavily. "Fifteen."

Phil's brow furrowed. "Fifteen what?"

"That's how many agents I killed."

He cursed whatever idiot allowed Clint a moment alone long enough to look up the information. It was widely accepted that Clint was not as stupid as he pretended to be. While he was no Tony Stark, give him more than five minutes in front of a computer and he could hack systems that baffled even the SHIELD IT department. They should've watched him more carefully in the aftermath of Loki's invasion. Screw all that, Phil should've been there in the aftermath. He should've been there to tell Clint that none of this was his fault. It was his job. Clint was his asset. His responsibility and he failed. Because of a stupid coma.

"You know that none of this was your fault."

Blue met green again and Phil understood that Clint knew no such thing. He blamed himself. This was his fault and nothing any of them could or would say was going to take that away from him. He had an entire week to let this fester. Clint was never better left to his own devices. He would dwell on the subject. Obsess over it. Pick all the ways in which he failed. Phil never left Clint alone after a mission gone wrong. He would always keep his agent close in order to assure him that everything was fine and it was all ok. He didn't think even Natasha knew how personal Clint took every part of a failed mission. But Phil did and Phil had a way of working around Clint's perceived failures. But Phil wasn't there this time. And Clint was left to dwell on his own. Clint Barton should never be left alone.

"When was the last time you slept?" he asked, knowing he would never receive any type of response to his earlier statement.

"I can't sleep," Clint admitted. His voice barely a whisper in the room. "I still feel him in my head. I hear him telling me do hurt people. I hear his voice whispering in my mind to shoot Director Fury but this time in the head. I remember his voice chanting, ordering me to kill Natasha in horrible ways. He made me see what he wanted me to do. And I wanted to do it," Clint finished. "I wanted to do it all."

Phil cursed everything in that moment. He cursed Clint for being too blind to see that none of this was his fault. He cursed Nick for letting Clint linger for so long alone. He also blamed Nick for letting the agent be taken in the first place. True the man probably had no idea what Loki was capable of at the time but the rational part of Phil was taking a backseat to the man's protective instincts which were all fired up at the moment. He worked so hard with this kid to make him into the agent he was today. And one stupid god with daddy/brother issues ruined it in less than three days. He knew that if this wasn't addressed and dealt with, they were going to lose Clint. He didn't even know where to start. The damage was done and left for so long. He didn't know how to start and he wouldn't get a chance.

The building rocked suddenly and alarms began blaring throughout the building. Clint was on his feet as soon as the first shock ended. His previously blank eyes were focused and sharp as his gaze drifted around the room. Natasha reappeared a moment later with Steve, Tony and Bruce behind her. If Phil wasn't concerned about the situation, he would've been amused by the looks of surprise on the three men's faces. Natasha, however, was nothing if not excellent at multi-tasking. She managed to look both amused and exasperated by the shocked and babbling trio. She also turned towards Clint's silently gaze.

"What's going on, Nat?"

"Time to suit up," Natasha replied with a smirk. "We're under attack. Some group called AIM is trying to access our files. They've already disabled most of the agents. Fury is calling for us to assemble."

"He wants me?" Clint asked.

Phil could see the confusion on Natasha's face. Apparently she didn't see just how much Loki affected her partner. Still the longer she went without answering his question, the more Clint was going to…

"Of course he wants you, Legolas," Tony replied, surprising all of them. "He wants the Avengers. You are pretty much a founding member. Or would it be more accurate to say you're our first recruit since you weren't technically around for the initiation phase. Whatever, you still get the super cool spy ring. So you in or what?"

"So classy," Bruce muttered under his breath.

"That coming from the guy who almost hulked out this morning because the diner ran out of waffles." Bruce's face flushed.

"I hardly see how that's relevant to you being tactless as always. Can we go now? I'm pretty sure that Director Fury wanted us to suit up and not gossip about my eating habits."

Clint's lips twitched briefly into a smile before he nodded. "He's right. Let's go."

"Oh, can we do schwarma again after battle? Can that be a thing? I vote that it's a thing."

"Do you ever stop talking?" Steve asked as the four men left the room. Natasha started to follow them when Phil called out to her.

"Natasha?"

"Yes, Agent Coulson?" the ice dripping from her voice was enough to freeze even the Human Torch. He was used to hearing that venom from her. Since their first rocky meeting, however, it was never directed at him. That is until his death was faked and she was forced to cry. He wondered if she too was lost to him. And then he heard the more familiar "Phil?" fall from her lips.

He smiled. "Watch out for Barton, will you?"

Natasha returned the smile. "Always." She lingered by the door for a brief moment. "Try not to die or anything while we're gone. We just got you back."

"I'll try," he promised. She gave him another soft smile as she turned on her heels and headed towards the others still bickering further down the hall.

Phil was used to waiting when it came to his agents. Clint was a sniper. There were entire days when he wouldn't hear a peep out of the man as he sat in silence waiting for a target. Natasha required radio silence when she was in Black Widow mode. So he was used to waiting. But this was different. At least then he was capable of participating in the extraction. When Clint finally broke his silence to tell them that the target was down, it was Phil holding out a hand to help him up after Clint was stuck lying in one position for too long. It was Phil who was there for Natasha when the adrenaline crash after a mission finally happened. But now he was confined to a bed and unable to know if either of his agents was ok.

A few restless hours later, a weary looking Natasha trudged into the room, dropping gracelessly into the chair beside his bed. She propped her arm on the bed beside him, placing her head on her raised hand as she looked at him. There was a small bandaged cut on her forehead and he could see a thick wad of gauze taped to her shoulder through the thin medical issued t-shirt she was wearing.

"Natasha?"

"Reporting for debriefing, sir," she smiled tiredly. Phil returned the gesture. "Mission was a success. Limited structural damage to Brooklyn but it was a hipster hangout. It deserved to be destroyed. Of course because he can't stay out of trouble, Clint was shot off a building by a kamikaze rouge scientist. Hulk saved him and then ran with him to Yonkers. We found them both curled up behind the movie theater Cross County shopping center. Don't worry. Tony took pictures. Thor threw the Asgardian version of a temper tantrum when Steve insisted that treating Clint's probable broken bones was more pertinent than watching _The Hunger Games_. He stopped the thunderstorm when Tony promised to download it illegally for him tonight."

Phil leaned back against his pillow as Natasha continued her less formal but very colorful debriefing. Her free hand resting over Phil's as she spoke. As her tale wound down, he could only watch as the adrenaline finally wore off and she crashed with her head resting by his hip. He lifted his hand, settling it on the flame colored curls. He knew that this was Natasha's way of showing that despite the betrayal, she still trusted him. Phil never took that sign of trust for granted. He protected and revered it as the fragile thing that it was. He heard the familiar rustling in the vents a few minutes before Nick returned to the room to report that Clint was missing from medical where he was taken after Bruce determined he was too exhausted to truly be of any use to Clint. Apparently Clint was fine with no medical attention at all until Thor and Steve grabbed him and dragged him to the medical ward. He was diagnosed with three cracked ribs and yet another concussion. He escaped less than ten minutes after he was brought there.

"Its fine, boss," Phil interrupted Nick's rant about annoying, medical phobic archers that barely concealed his obvious concern. Phil let his gaze drift upwards.

Nick snorted as he too saw the archer curled up with his face plastered against the grate, snoring softly. "Guess it's my turn to get him down this time?"

"I am a little restricted at the moment," Phil joked.

"I guess you are. Enjoy the rest while you can. They're all together now. If this is going to work they're going to need someone to keep them all going."

"Planning on killing me again, boss?"

Fury narrowed his eye but a smirk formed. "You might wish I did. As of today, you're officially the liaison between SHIELD and the Avengers team. In other words, you're their handler." He paused. "Good luck."

Phil figures he fell asleep shortly after that because the next time he opens his eyes, it dark outside. His room is still dimly lit but he saw enough to know that there were far more people in the room than before he closed his eyes. For starters, when he last checked Tony Stark was not sitting beside his bed with his head tipped back and quiet, snuffling snores escaped every now and then. Thor was sitting on the floor by Tony's chair with a tablet playing some movie (probably the promised _Hunger Games_) with a pair of headphones in ear. He looked engrossed, but most importantly occupied, so Phil moved on. Bruce was reading on his own tablet in the chair by the other bed in the room. The other bed that was occupied by Clint.

Clint was lying on his less bruised side with an army of pillows most likely stolen from other rooms in the place holding him in place. Natasha was sitting cross legged at the foot of his bed, watching him carefully. It would be creepy if Phil wasn't so familiar with them. Clint was almost suicidal with the reckless abandon he showed in the field. Natasha was almost transparent with the worry that this caused her. One day his assets would get their act together and just put a label on their relationship. But for now there was this undefinable thing between them…but it worked.

"Sir?"

Phil was dragged from his contemplation of what Tony would probably call Clintasha to see Steve's bright blue eyes staring at him from the windowsill closest to his bed. Captain America was sitting there with a sketchpad on his lap. From what Phil could tell, he was watching over his team… which included apparently included Phil.

"Yes, Captain Rogers?"

"I'm glad you're not dead."

Phil's lips twitched into a smile. He glanced around the room at the rest of the Avengers. "Yes, I am too."

"It's too bad about your cards. It would've been kind of neat to sign them."

Phil blinked. "My cards?"

Steve's brow furrowed. "You know your Captain America cards? Didn't Director Fury tell you that they were ruined when Loki stabbed you?"

"My cards were in my locker," Phil reported, voice flat.

He took a deep breath as the sequence of events that led to the destruction of his cards became clear to him. Nick was a manipulative bastard and he most likely was going to need something solid to show proof of his death. And since Phil was very much alive, even at the time, he needed something else. Something dear to Phil. Since Clint was missing and good luck trying to use Natasha, he went with the cards. Phil was going to kill him.

The next morning a package was delivered to Phil's still very over occupied hospital room containing a set of silver, monogrammed knives for Natasha, the latest model Stark created bow for Clint and the complete set of vintage Captain America cards along with first class tickets to Portland and an approved leave request for two weeks whenever he saw fit along with a promise that the team would be handled in his absence. Phil smiled in satisfaction as he ran his hand over the binder. He was starting to understand the bribery angle. It worked wonders on curing murderous impulses towards certain one eyed directors.

Tony frowned as he leaned over Phil's shoulder to read the paper. "He's sending you away already? Who is he going to get to replace you?"

"Probably Agent Hill. She's the only other agent with the security clearance necessary to be near any of you."

"He's leaving us with the Wicked Stepmother?"

Phil narrowed his eyes but shrugged it off at the time. "In case you haven't noticed, Mr. Stark. I'm still confined to a bed. This trip won't be happening for quite some time. And then it'll only be for a couple of weeks. What's the worst that could happen?"

Hindsight was a bitch. He was never going on vacation again.

* * *

Fin for now. Next chapter will either be the aftermath of the movies or the family vacation. I'm torn. So many ideas and so little time to write them up!


	4. The Caged Bird Sings

**Summary:** They were six damaged and hurting individuals but when they were together they were something amazing. They were more than a team, they were a family. A series of one-shots set in the Savior-verse.

**Pairings:** Clintasha and background Peppernony

**Warnings:** Just general spoilers for the movie… but everyone should've seen it already by now so no worries!

**Disclaimer:** If I owned anything having to with the _Avengers_ I would be a rich, happy woman. Instead I am a broke, happy woman. One out of two isn't that bad.

**Author's Note:** I honestly don't even know how to describe this one. It is somehow an unholy combination of fluff, angst and crack. In other words, Clint finally gets a chapter where he speaks and shares the full horror of the movies (hence the crack).

* * *

**The (Not So) Caged Bird Sings or The Time Thor Broke the Hulk and Times Square **

Once upon a time, Clint Barton had a mother, a father and an older brother. He wished that he could say that he was happy but he didn't really remember ever feeling anything other than afraid. He remembered wishing he could be away from the yelling, the pain and constant fear. Then one day, he was. Instead of his mother picking him up from school, it was a kind faced social worker explaining that his mother and father were in a "better place" and that he and his brother would be living with other children who didn't have parents. For a fleeting moment, Clint thought it was over. But he soon realized he traded one prison for another. The orphanage was just as oppressive and terrible as home. There was even more pain, yelling and fear. So they changed again. Barney led them to Carson's Carnival where he finally thought they found a home. He was wrong once again. Barney was the person he trusted the most in the world. The only person he trusted in the world and he let him down. He left to the mercy of a man that left him broken, bloody and alone in a ditch to die.

Naturally, his brain began to pick up on a pattern. This pattern seemed to indicate that he was doomed to a life of misery and pain. Somewhere along the line, Clint convinced himself that he _deserved_ only that. He believed it up until a week after he turned twenty, and less than a year into his twenty five year prison sentence when a man with a bland face and impeccable suit walked into his cell and offered him not only his freedom but also a job with no strings attached. It was almost too good to be true. For months, he kept a distance between him and his handler, not sure if he could ever really trust him. He trusted people before and it only ended in pain. But Phil Coulson was patient. He just waited him out and one day Clint gave up. He fell and knew that Phil would be there to catch him. And he was. Every single time. When he was finally able to open up and let Phil in, he found that Nick was also along for the ride. Fury was the embodiment of his name. His wrath was epic but despite his attitude, blatant insubordination and lack of compliance, Clint never once faced a public dress down. Nick demonstrated uncharacteristic patience when it came to the archer. He was quietly grateful.

While Phil and Nick were there to catch him and help to slowly build him up, he still lacked focus. SHIELD gave him something worth not dying for but he didn't have that thing worth living for. Then he met her. Beautiful, deadly and broken Natasha. When he was first given the assignment to take her out, he didn't hesitate. But when he met her eyes from across the room, he knew it was over. He saw the same scars, the same fear, in those eyes. So instead of an arrow, he held out a hand and pulled her into his crazy SHIELD oriented world. Natasha was his motor. She was the thing that kept him moving. She gave him something to focus on. Something to work for. She was also his anchor. When he was unmade and lost in his own mind, it was Natasha that pulled him back and held him close. Like with Phil, when Clint finally felt steady enough to walk on his own, he found that she wasn't alone and now neither was he.

Once upon a time, Clint Barton had a mother, a father and an older brother. It didn't work out too well. He had foster parents that struggled to like him. That clearly didn't work. He had a mentor. That really didn't work out. He had a string of disappointment and misery that left him convinced that he wasn't worth anything more than that. Then he met Phil, Nick and Natasha. They taught him how to trust again. They never asked for anything from him. They took what he was willing to give and gave him everything he wanted but never asked for in return. They were his family. Then Loki happened and he thought it was all over but it wasn't. Instead of casting him to the shadows of his own mind, the very same people he fought against for the majority of their first encounter embraced him.

They were the brothers that Barney never could be. They protected him, teased him and encouraged him. He knew there was no limit on what they would do for him. Like Nick, Phil and Natasha before them, they never asked for anything in return. They didn't want him because he was an expert marksman or even because of his just as excellent memory. They wanted him because they liked Clint. It was a new, and sometimes overwhelming, feeling. He wasn't used to people defending him. He sometimes wondered what it was that they saw when they looked at him. But he knew better than to ask. They were just starting to believe that he was moving on from the whole Loki incident. He didn't need them going back to the constant Hawk watch. It was annoying enough the first time around.

Still he couldn't help but wonder how he got so lucky to find not one but an entire group of people that actually cared enough about him to want to track his vitals and his comings and goings on a daily basis. He knew that he would do the same for any of them (kind of did during those nights when sleep was just not happening). But he accepted a long time ago that he didn't deserve to have that same attention given in return. Except they were proving to him slowly but surely that maybe he did. Maybe he was worth turning the deputy director of SHIELD purple because she insulted him. Maybe he was worth Steve breaking his no shenanigans in public rule. Maybe…. But he would be damned if he was going to let the Science Bros and their latest project ruin his breakfast plans with Phil in the morning. It was rare that he got to spend one on one time with his handler these days. He didn't care what the hell these guys got into tonight but he was going to breakfast in the morning…. He hoped….

* * *

"I'm suddenly thinking that this was not the best of ideas," Clint murmured to no one in particular. It wasn't likely that any of them were paying him any real attention. He was sitting cross legged atop an unused snack counter between Tony and Bruce. The former was busily sorting through their concession stand stash. And by stash, Clint meant the whole thing because Tony bought the entire concession stand, hence the encouraged use of the counter as a perch. Bruce was leaning over his shoulder watching him work. Clint wanted to be surprised that Bruce was going along with this plan but Tony said the keywords necessary to get Bruce to go along with any ill conceived idea: for science.

As they were all mostly ignorant of the long term effects of Earth on Thor's Asgardian physiology, pretty much anything they did to the thunder god could be considered for science as far as Bruce was concerned. At least that was the excuse he was using when he got looks from Steve during the ride here. Secretly, Clint knew Bruce just wanted to see what would happen as much as Tony did. There was still a small part of Clint that wanted to know too… but breakfast with Phil. Not to mention the lure of not having to spend the night in jail. He liked his bed (now that he actually slept in it). Jail did not have his soft sheets and awesome mattress. It most definitely did not have his Playful Penguin pillow pet. This was a horrible idea.

"Clint, you're either with us or you're against us," Tony muttered, still sorting through the candy by which was the most potent. The fact that he knew by just looking at the name made Clint really worry (not that he needed much help there).

"Why the second thoughts?" Bruce asked, still idly watching Tony but also keeping an eye on the other members of the team.

Thor was munching happily on the first of many sugary products of the evening: a Crunch bar. Natasha was busy arguing with Steve about the logic behind going to see a movie in the theater and then complaining about the prices. Apparently the fourteen dollar admission price offended Steve's delicate 40s born sensibilities. The fact that they lived with a billionaire just never occurred to Steve. Half an hour until the movie started and he was still moaning about the cost of living in the modern world.

"I just don't think that a movie theater is the best place for this," Clint shrugged, hoping to sound casual. "It's pretty public."

"Try again," Bruce prompted him. His brow furrowed as he glanced down at Tony once more. He scowled at the slightly younger man. "Tony!"

The billionaire turned around with an eye roll before shoving the packet of gummy bears he was about to hand off to Thor into Bruce's hands. Bruce nodded his approval before motioning him back to his previously interrupted sorting. Clint has mentioned how much he utterly adores these people, right? Except when they're using their evil genius against him. Like at that particular moment when Bruce was giving him that look. The look that promised badness if he didn't just cough up what Bruce wanted to know. He only needed to remember their currently pink and purple substitute handler to know that Bruce was well versed in non physical forms of revenge.

"Ok, so maybe I just don't want to get arrested tonight… because Phil promised he would take me to breakfast in the morning when I picked him up from the airport.

Bruce raised an eyebrow while Tony paused to regard the archer, glancing over his shoulder at Natasha in the distance. "Does Spider Chick know you're going on a date with our handler?"

Clint flushed. "I'm not going on a date with our handler! It's Phil! I mean not that he's probably not really attractive to someone but he's… Phil! I'm not gay for our handler! I'm not gay at all!"

Tony snorted before tossing a pack of Goobers to Thor. "So if it's not a date then what's the big deal?"

"It's just that… Phil only offers to buy breakfast when he thinks that I'm really upset," Clint didn't bother to admit that Phil was almost always correct. It was strongly implied by the fact that he refused to make eye contact with any of them. "And we always go to IHOP when he buys breakfast. So it's kinda special, that's all."

Damn if he didn't feel incredibly awkward confessing that one. Bruce made that face that he always made when Clint said something that reminded them that prior to coming to SHIELD he had a crappy life that left huge, still healing scars on his psyche or whatever. It was a look that was equal parts sympathy, understanding and rage. Clint both loved and hated that look on Bruce's face. He loved that Bruce gave a damn about him but he hated feeling like an emotional burden on anyone. He also wasn't quite comfortable with the idea of people turning their coworkers into Smurfs on acid for him either. Tony was simply staring at him like he was an equation that couldn't be solved. And as far as Tony was concerned, Clint really was a conundrum. But that didn't stop Tony from trying with all the means he had necessary. And since Tony possessed the emotional vocabulary of an infant, it usually ended with him buying Clint something he invariably didn't need or really want. But Clint knew that was Tony's way of trying to make him happy.

"You want IHOP? I could buy you one."

Clint counted to ten internally before regarding Tony again. He knew Tony was trying to help in his own way. But really? A goddamn IHOP? What was he supposed to do with a freaking IHOP? He was still trying to get rid of that damn pony!

"No, Tony, I don't want an IHOP. Look, it's stupid, ok? It's just that…. when Phil first told me about SHIELD he took me to IHOP. I think it was like a bribe or something. Whatever, it worked. But it's been… kind of a thing since then."

He didn't mention that the last time that he and Phil went to IHOP was the day that Fury placed him on the Tesseract assignment. The one that changed everything. That was almost a year ago. Clint was a little anxious to get things back to normal. Or as normal as things could be while living with the brother of the Norse god that screwed things up in the first place. He raised an eyebrow as Thor poured the remainder of the box of Goobers in his mouth before demanding more sugar.

"Thor, buddy, maybe you should slow down," Steve said, watching the god cautiously. Bruce and Tony immediately shooed Steve and his pesky logic and morals away from the already buzzing god. Clint chewed on his lip imagining the very many ways this was not going to end well. He was lost in thought but still didn't jump when he felt an arm wrap around his waist. Natasha rested her chin on his shoulder also watching the scene.

"I feel well, friends. No harm can come from something this delicious!"

"Famous last words," Natasha whispered in his ear. Clint smiled, enjoying the way her hair tickled against his neck. He saw Tony glance in their direction but Natasha didn't move away. If anything, she tightened her grip around his waist. Clint smiled a little wider. She wasn't normally this physically demonstrative. There were subtle touches every now and then. Stolen kisses even more infrequently. This… this level of intimacy was new. It was different. He liked it. Still he wouldn't be him without the insecurity.

"I thought love was for children," he murmured. She shifted her head so that her lips were beside his ear. He felt her smile against his skin.

"Unsurprisingly, given the company we keep, I'm feeling strangely childish these days."

"But only for me, right?"

"Only for you," Natasha promised with a kiss to the cheek. He turned towards her to meet her serious gaze. "You're such a girl."

Clint laughed, resting his head against hers. He watched as Tony and Bruce continued to ply more sugary goods on Thor. He resolved in that moment to just go along with whatever happened tonight. He knew true horror. He knew what nightmares were made of and none of them involved any of the people he was surrounded by at the moment. Nothing too terrible could happen with these people around him. But as a very wise woman once pointed out, those were definitely famous last words.

* * *

The movie was actually going fine, shockingly. To say that it was a kid's film (why is it that as soon as he moved in with Tony, all these archery movies started coming out), it was pretty decent. He was even starting to get used to Natasha's weight against him. His head rested on the soft curls as he ignored the knowing sniggering from Tony and Bruce down the line. If he ignored the two idiots, Steve's complaining about some teen couple making out in front of him and Thor's rapidly bouncing legs, it was a pretty awesome night out. But that last thing was becoming a very big concern because Clint was reasonably sure that he shouldn't be able to feel that all the way at the end of their row. There were four people between Clint and Thor. He shouldn't be able to know that the god was shaking his leg for the past half an hour with an increasingly psychotic fervor.

"This film bores me!"

Clint groaned, sinking lower in his seat. He heard Tony let out a strangled giggle. He could almost feel the heat from the glare that Steve was most likely throwing at Tony. Natasha shifted against his shoulder as she sat up to get a better look at the god over Bruce's head. For a brief moment, nothing happened. Clint almost thought that it would end there and everything would go back to as normal as it got when all six of them were allowed outside the tower. And then some dumbass in the back shushed him. That, as they say, was that.

"Who dares to try and silence the mighty Thor?"

"Dude, shut up!" some clueless cannon fodder in the row behind them yelled. Steve's reflexes were on point as ever as he managed to pull the clueless cannon fodder out of the way before Thor could bring Mjolnir down

Thankfully the rest of the theater was not as stupid as the other two and started to clear out in the usual flailing, screaming panicked chaos that never really helped anyone. Clint shrugged it off as he leaped from his seat to balance on the back of the chair in front of him. Someone must've realized there was a showdown going down as the light suddenly flickered on, illuminating the odd scene. Thor looked between the five Avengers with blank eyes. Clint could see that he was breathing heavily. His hands were twitching around the handle of his hammer. Oh, this was so not good.

"Thor, good buddy," Tony tried, holding his hands up in surrender. "You ok?"

Thor swung his hammer in Tony's direction. Clint watched Natasha reach for one of the many weapons he knew were hidden on her body. His own hand strayed towards where he kept his collapsible bow and a few mini arrows (yes, Fury commissioned them for him so that he would feel comfortable all the time. No, that didn't make him spoiled, _Phil_.)

"What manner of devilry is this?" Thor asked, his eyes squinting in confused horror at the movie still playing on the screen behind them. Clint noticed the glazed over looking the god's eyes and knew that there was no way this was going to end as anything other than violently. "Where have you taken me?"

"We're at the movies, remember?" Bruce said, in that calming tone of his. Thor was not having any of that at the moment.

"I don't think the big guy is all together here at the moment," Clint pointed out, twirling a finger in the air next to his head. "Now might be a really good time to get angry."

"I know I said I'm always angry but seriously? We're watching a freaking animated movie! This is the least threatening situation ever."

Clint stared at him incredulously. "There is a crazed alien god swinging his giant hammer, shut up, Tony, at us! This is pretty damn threatening. Not get angry!"

"Thor ate the last of the waffles this morning," Tony announced. Bruce's eyes narrowed, lighting up with a familiar green glow. Seriously?

"Waffles," he muttered. His voice deepened and a growl started in his chest. That was all good but all of them turned away from the still very huge threat to watch Bruce's transformation. Thor took advantage of their distraction to swing Mjolnir in an arch that took out the entire row of seats. Clint jumped off his perch landing gracefully beside Natasha on the other side of the small theater.

"Still thinking that inciting a sugar high in a god is a good idea?" she asked, an eyebrow arching upwards.

Clint shrugged, before leaning forward to press a kiss against her lips. He pulled back slightly when Steve ran past them trying to escape from the battle between Thor and the Hulk. "A little less to be honest."

Natasha snorted. "All of you are idiots."

He grinned in response. "Yeah, but you love us anyway."

She gave him a look that was just a few degrees below an eye roll. He smiled wider. "For some stupid reason, I actually do."

Clint felt that deserved a response, he really did. But the words died on his lips as something large and green went flying their direction. He shoved Natasha out the way and grunted as the Hulk slammed into him with all the force of a Mack truck. He just managed to regain enough balance to roll away before the entire bulk of his green friend fell on him. He landed in a graceless heap beside the unmoving personification of rage.

"Ouch," he moaned as breathing shifted his no doubt broken everything. Still he gritted his teeth and forced himself into an upright position. Natasha and Steve were making a concentrated effort at fighting back against Thor. He turned his attention to the non moving Hulk beside him. "Huh."

Thor just took out the Hulk. Clint could tell that he was still breathing but also unconscious. That bore repeating because holy shit, the Hulk was unconscious. Someone beat the Hulk! Clint was reasonably sure that was something should not happen. Ever. But it did. And somehow Natasha and Steve thought they stood a chance. He looked back to the fight still in progress in time to see Thor fling both his opponents across the room with the disdain he usually reserved for vegetables (Thor believed that since he was a god, he didn't need to eat stupid vegetables). Right now, apparently Natasha and Steve ranked up there with carrots and beets.

He wondered what Thor's next move would be now that he took down the majority of the Avengers. He wasn't left in suspense for very long. Thor chose that moment to bring the hammer down once again on one of the walls. Clint rolled his eyes as a piece of debris from the recently demolished wall hurtled through empty space towards his head. Of course, because it just couldn't be a day without some sort of head trauma for Clint.

As everything went pleasantly dark, three thoughts occurred to him. One, a crazed Thor that just took out the Avengers without breaking a sweat was now running loose in the streets of NYC. Two, Tony was missing in action. Given that this entire debacle was his idea, Clint was equally nervous about a crazed genius running loose through the streets of NYC (without him!). The final thought was the most depressing of the bunch: he was definitely not getting IHOP in the morning. Stupid friends. Stupid concussions and broken bones.

* * *

The thing Clint hates the most about being knocked out is the being out part. He always has screwed up dreams when he's concussed. He dreams of hurting his friends, being abandoned and death. The worst part about it all was that they weren't dreams. He's locked in his own head with nothing but his life before SHIELD to keep him company. His life before Phil Coulson walked into his jail cell telling him that he was a free man. His life before the pancakes that Phil made the waitress put whipped cream and a candle on to celebrate his birthday and freedom. The life he tries to forget and is mostly successful except when he's sleeping or knocked unconscious. The latter happened a disturbingly large amount of the time.

There is one good part about being knocked out. As he struggles to surface from the cloying, clinging darkness that tries to drag him down into the sea of memories, there is always a lingering scent in the air that keeps him holding on. It's the odd combination of Old Spice aftershave, coffee and gunpowder. It's a familiar smell. It makes him feel safe… it's Phil. There is almost another scent with it. Its cinnamon, strawberries and chocolate. Its love and safety and home all in one redheaded badass ninja woman.

He floated in the haze, enjoying the return to consciousness because they were with him. The scent alone was enough to remind him that the past was the past and couldn't hurt him anymore. When it was just Phil and Clint in the beginning, Phil would wait patiently doing paperwork or reading a book while Clint woke up. But then Natasha joined them. They were so attuned to one another that she always knew when he was just lingering in that half conscious state. Like right now.

"Wake up, you faker. Get your lecture like the rest of us."

Clint cracked an eye open to see Natasha sitting cross legged on the bed beside him. Phil was seated in the chair beside the bed. He glanced back at his partner. Her hair was loose as always. The curls framing her non-bruised face. To say that they just had an epic standoff with a god just the day before (god, he hoped only a day passed), Natasha looked remarkably unmarked. He frowned.

"I want super soldier serum," he frowned in Phil's direction. The older man raised an eyebrow before ruffling Clint's hair.

"I seem to remember that ending not so well for a mutual green friend of ours," Phil pointed out.

Clint huffed. "Logic sucks."

"It's a good thing, you're cute," Natasha smiled indulgently. He started to reach for her hand before glancing at Phil. She rolled her eyes, giving him a look that questioned his intelligence. Because really? He could kiss her in front of Steve but he worried about holding her hand in front of Phil. She clasped his hand, tangling their fingers together.

"About time," Phil mumbled. He cleared his throat ignoring the pointed looks from his assets. "So, Barton, good news or bad news?"

"Bad news." He was a pessimist at heart. And he was interested in just how truly screwed they were.

"Well, you are all banned from every AMC movie theater in the world. That's rare. You've been internationally blacklisted. Stark is paying to fix the majority of 42nd street which suffered the most damage in Thor's rampage. Especially the wax museum."

"Uh, speaking of that," Clint chewed on his lip. "Where is Thor?"

"Oh, Bruce and Steve found him last night on top of the Empire State building passed out next to a statue of Natalie Portman that he stole from said wax museum. Even though he's apparently recovered from his sugar induced psychotic episode, he was quite belligerent when the captain tried to take it away."

"Meaning?"

Natasha laughed. "Meaning, the Pillow Pets have a new friend to join them in Thor's Room of Random."

Clint nodded. "Oh, that's not so bad. I mean no one died."

"No, no one died," Phil conceded, but the glare he was currently leveling at Clint showed that there was still badness to come. "But you are all confined to the tower for the next month. Collectively, you're a PR disaster guaranteed to happen. Unless there is a mission or you are companied by either me, Director Fury or Agent, none of you are allowed to leave."

Clint's brow furrowed. "Wait, all of us? Usually it's just me, Tony and Thor. Sometimes Bruce gets grounded. But what did Natasha and the Golden Child do?"

"After he regained consciousness, Steve decided to take advantage of the chaos that Thor caused by allowing people to see movies for free. He justified it by explaining that the movie prices were too high."

"He's part of the reason we're banned from the movies," Natasha added.

"Part?"

"See the other part," Phil gestured at Clint's grinning partner. "As they were dealing with Stark, a camera fell out of her bag. She was filming the entire movie prior to Thor going insane."

Clint smirked, squeezing her fingers. "That's my girl." Phil shook his head but they both knew him well enough to recognize the curve of his lips as a smile. "So you said there was good news too?"

"You mean besides that for at least a month, I don't have to worry about visits to the local precinct to retrieve one of my so called intelligence specialists or dread the amount of social infractions or crimes against nature and humanity you all rack up by breathing?"

Clint started to protest but it went forgotten as Phil placed a takeout carton on his lap. It was still warm. He used his free hand to lift the lid and was immediately rewarded with the scent of strawberry cheesecake pancakes. He glanced up at his handler with a question in his eyes.

"I promised you breakfast when you picked me up from the airport."

"I didn't…"

"You were there," Natasha shrugged with one shoulder. She dipped a finger in the whip cream topping. "You weren't so severely injured that you were in danger of dying. I figured as long as you were there to pick up Phil, it counted. I know how much you both value your IHOP."

Phil flushed, hiding it behind a well timed sip of his coffee. "The good news is that somehow in the midst of all that happening last night, Tony found time to buy an IHOP. Apparently they deliver to Avengers only. Turns out they're just as nervous about having any of you in there as most people in the city are."

"Also, to say that you're a puny human," Natasha teased, tracing a hand over his arm. "Who went up against a crazed god of thunder and got Hulk Smashed, you're only slightly broken. Seriously, this is the least amount of broken bones you've ever had on a hospital visit. I'm both impressed and confused."

Clint shrugged off her confusion and praise. "Nothing new there, Tasha. I'm always little broken."

"A little less everyday," Phil said, fully smiling at him. He handed Clint a fork and took another sip from his drink as he watched the archer happily dig into his food.

After a few minutes, Clint shook his head. "He seriously broke into the wax museum and stole Natalie Portman's statue?"

"Apparently, she reminds him of his dear Jane," Natasha reported, dryly. She picked at his hash browns. "Don't worry though. Tony already hacked the security footage. It's just too bad that Thor has no shame. We would've had blackmail material for years after watching him engage in 'glorious battle' with the wax Avengers. He lost."

Clint started to laugh when he finally caught onto the oft mentioned but not seen man. "Wait, how is Tony ok?"

"Oh, once Thor went crazy, he left. Steve thought he was going to get his suit. Maybe he was but he got distracted by the projector room on the way out. Apparently he thought they weren't working at their potential maximum. So he started tinkering with them. They blew up."

Clint dropped his fork. "He exploded things without me?"

"Shut up and eat your pancakes."

* * *

*I don't even know with this one. Hope someone enjoyed. I've got a few more ideas on the line. So expect another one soon. Right after I hit up IHOP. Mmmm, hash browns. Alright! Ciao.


	5. J is for Jealous

**Summary:** They were six damaged and hurting individuals but when they were together they were something amazing. They were more than a team, they were a family. A series of one-shots set in the Savior-verse.

**Pairings:** Clintasha and background Peppernony

**Warnings:** Just general spoilers for the movie… but everyone should've seen it already by now so no worries! Warnings also for questionable, crackish behaviors by adults with superpowers. Also OOC internal monologues and lack of emotional stability. Also a warning for language because… I have a potty mouth. So there may be some naughty language. Sorry!

**Disclaimer:** If I owned anything having to with the _Avengers_ I would be a rich, happy woman. Instead I am a broke, happy woman. One out of two isn't that bad.

**Author's Note:** So hi there! I'm back with an extra long addition to this story. Sorry for the delay in updates but I got sidetracked by other Avengers ideas. Then there's this persistent Glee brainworm that won't go away. But anyway, here is the promised (from Powerless) chapter that introduces Darcy. Hopefully you enjoy.

* * *

**J is for Jealous or The Time That The Avengers Met Darcy and People Got Arrested  
**

Natasha Romanoff did not do emotions. She especially didn't do petty ones like jealousy. She was well aware of her… assets. And as such knew that she had very little reason in the world to be jealous of anyone or anything. If she desired someone, she had them. If she wanted something, it was hers. Even after switching from the dark side (as Clint referred to her years before SHIELD), Natasha was used to people giving her what she wanted when she wanted it. Whether it was because she not so secretly commanded fear or because of her looks, Natasha never wanted for anything. Therefore jealousy was not an emotion she was familiar with. But she was getting there.

If someone ever told her ten years ago that she would be jealous of a twenty something year old assistant she probably would've hurt them… or worse. The entire concept was ridiculous. In order to be jealous of someone then the individual in question likely presented as a credible threat to a relationship she held dear. And that was just… impossible. She was the Black Widow. The only things she held dear were her weapons. Then along came a smart mouthed archer with a death wish and a heart far too big for this job. She thought she knew what she was doing getting involved with him. But as she sat watching said twenty something year old assistant fawn over her smart mouthed archer with a death wish, Natasha realized that she was in far deeper than she originally thought. Not for the first time, she wondered if it would've been easier if Clint had just followed orders and taken her out.

In order to understand how it came to this point, it was important to know how it all started. And the trouble started, as it normally did, with the rest of the team… her "boys". Since Phil grounded them and all the megalomaniacs of this world (and several others) seemed to be taking a well deserved break, they were bored. Natasha learned very early in the first week of their month long sentence that the word bored and the male Avengers was never a good combination. It didn't help that by the end of the third day, Steve was down for whatever they wanted to do. She hoped that hindsight would help Steve to realize that he should never give Tony or Bruce the ok to do whatever they thought would be cool. Their thought process was not like the others. It was... skewed. It tended to lead to very bad things.

At any rate, the combination of the Science Brothers and their three blonde sidekicks decided to experiment with dimensional portals. Their practical excuse was that they were thinking of ways of getting the Bifrost to work once again. Natasha knew it was less altruistic and more out of sheer boredom. She could only blink as they opened a portal to another dimension in the center of the kitchen. Another dimension that consisted of very large, angry, bloody thirsty warrior birds that looked a lot like penguins. Thor, of course, immediately declared that he wanted to keep one. She was starting to see Phil's point about them being a PR disaster.

Following that incident, and yet another one less than a day later involving Steve, foil and a sentient microwave that could also double as a weapon of mass destruction, Phil and Nick laid down the law. They apparently needed a fulltime babysitter in their downtime. Someone who could be there to watch their every move and report back any and all suspect behavior when they weren't off saving the world. Clint wisely pointed out that looking for suspect behavior amongst the Avengers was like looking for sand on the beach. Phil was not pleased with the analogy… no matter how accurate it obviously was.

Natasha wasn't bothered by any of these events. She could care less if the boys wanted to open up dimensional portals or Phil wanted to hire an assistant. Given the team she was a part of, she totally understood why Phil felt he needed assistance. Apparently she was the only one. Tony felt that the assistant was going to be a spy and vowed not to trust anything he or she said. Bruce was indifferent but leaning towards mistrust. Clint was very vocally and visually pissed at the idea of Phil having an assistant. It took an hour to convince him that Phil was in fact not replacing him and that he would always be the favorite. Well, an hour and a trip to IHOP. Thor was excited because he loved meeting new people. Steve was determined to be the one that got along with the poor assistant because well someone needed to.

All preconceived notions about the poor unfortunate soul that was tapped as Phil's assistant went out the window they actually met the individual assigned for Avenger duty. She was all curves with dark hair and big blue eyes. She didn't manage to squeak out a word in greeting before she pulled off her feet and into a very enthusiastic Thor hug. The kind where he tended to forget his own strength but was so utterly adorable and loveable that people tended to let the lack of oxygen or feeling of their ribs grinding together slide.

"Darcy Lewis, it is good to see you!" Thor exclaimed, as he let her down. Once she regained her balance and ability to speak, Darcy laughed, tapping Thor on the arm.

"It's good to see you too, big guy!"

"You're the assistant?" Tony asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I think that was pretty obvious since Phil sent you all emails saying that the assistant would be here at ten o'clock. It's ten and I'm the only one here," Darcy cocked her head to the side. "I thought they said you were a genius."

A surprised silence settled over the six heroes and former astrophysics' intern. Tony's face was the picture of outrage, confusion and amusement. Finally, he giggled and pointed at Thor. "You never told me she was hilarious." He nodded to some internal dialogue. "I think this is going to work. Welcome to the Avengers!"

With Tony's easy acceptance and Thor's very vocal endorsement, Darcy had an easier time fitting in amongst the Avengers than previously expected. Bruce had no opinion on the subject one way or another. If the others accepted her, then he would too. But Natasha caught him cracking a smile once or twice during Darcy and Tony's rambling discussions that were supposed to pass as philosophical debates but were really just randomly blurted out phrases that only they could interpret as a conversation. Natasha ignored them most of the time. Steve never had a problem with accepting Darcy in the first place and appeared to be accepting of her place as assistant to the team. The only lingering hold out on Team Darcy was, as expected, Clint.

Clint seemed to be stubborn in his refusal to have anything to do with Darcy. And Natasha was not going to push him. If he didn't want to deal with the new assistant, what did it matter? But the others were adamant. They tried everything from movie marathons to drinking contests to "family" picnics but Clint refused to budge. Natasha found that she was strangely okay with that. That is until two weeks after Darcy moved into the Tower and life as Natasha knew it officially changed.

It started off horrible enough. She had a nightmare. They happened a lot less since she moved in with the rest of the team but they still continued to plague her. Once she was able to shake the lingering emotions of her bad dream, she slipped out of the bed and made her way to Clint's room. Clint didn't keep the most functional sleep schedule before the incident with Loki but afterwards he was redefining the term insomnia. But he was also very private. He mostly stuck to his room those nights when the demons in his head wouldn't shut up enough to let him sleep. So she didn't think she was wrong for being surprised to find his room empty. The bed definitely looked slept in. The sheets were tossed carelessly around the bed, revealing the struggle the owner of the bed went through. So Clint had a nightmare too. That was surprising. Though he struggled with them in beginning of the Avengers Initiative, he seemed to be moving past them.

"JARVIS, is Agent Barton still in the building?"

"_Yes, Agent Romanoff. He is the kitchen with Ms. Lewis." _

Natasha arched an eyebrow at that last part. Clint was willingly in a room with Darcy? That was interesting. She walked to the kitchen as silent as ever and came face to face with a scene she never expected to see. Darcy and Clint were sitting on the floor leaning back against the island counter. A tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream was open between them along with a box of Oreos. She wasn't shocked by his choice of snack. For all that he was physically fit, Clint tended to regress to junk food when he was upset. Oreos and ice cream were his comfort food of choice. What really caught her attention was the fact that he was sharing... with Darcy. The same Darcy he claimed to hate just that morning.

"Sooo, feeling better?" Darcy asked, breaking the silence that lingered over the pair. Clint smiled softly, playing with one of the cookies. "I'll take that as a yes. Behold the healing power of Oreos."

"Thanks, Darcy," Clint murmured. "You know… for just sitting there. And not asking questions."

"Well, as long as we're on the thanking route, thanks for not flaying me with that meat cleaver when I walked in. That would've been a little awkward to explain to the boss in the morning." Clint snorted, letting his head loll back. "Not that I have regretted a single minute of this wonderful bonding experience but why…."

"Why did I come here instead of going to one of the others? Specifically Natasha?" Clint finished. Natasha leaned forward, also interested in that answer.

"Uh, I mean that…, well yeah! You two are like super glued at the hip. It's like if she moves, you move."

Clint's brow furrowed. "We're not…." He tilted his head to the side. "Ok, I see your point." He shrugged. "I don't know how much Phil told you about me… with the whole invasion thing."

Darcy's eyes softened as she looked at Clint. "He told me enough."

"Enough?"

"Yeah, he told me that you went through hell but still managed to come out the same annoyingly tough pain in the ass you were before Loki attacked," she grinned slightly. "But he also told me that you tend to blame yourself for what happened when anyone with eyes could tell that it was all Loki's fault."

"He told you all that, huh?"

"I may have paraphrased some."

"Some," Clint laughed quietly. He sighed. "I wasn't exactly Mr. Mental Stability before Loki played with my brain. Now I just feel like… I'm all over the place. I feel like I'm becoming this unnecessary burden to the team. They're constantly worrying about my fragile emotional and mental health and crap like that. I just want them to stop worrying about me. That's never going to happen if they know about the nightmares."

Natasha wanted to protest but Darcy did it for her. "Dude, did you ever stop to think that maybe they don't mind worrying about you?"

"Huh?"

"For a guy so smart, you can be pretty dumb, Barton."

"Gee, thanks. Here I was thinking we were having a moment."

"We are," Darcy corrected, poking him on the arm with the end of her spoon. "Last week, when Tony and Pepper were fighting and he locked himself in the lab for like three days straight, wasn't it you that tried to break in at least six times in one day just to make sure he didn't off himself while no one was looking?"

"Well, yeah. He shut JARVIS down. I figured that was cause for concern."

"It was but it also proves my point."

"How…Oh," Clint trailed off, suddenly finding his hands to be very interesting.

"Yeah, oh. You care about Tony. You worry about him when he does that reclusive genius thing. You worry about Steve and Thor and Natasha and Bruce. Hell, you even worry about the Hulk. You don't think any of them are burdens. So why would you be a burden to them?"

Clint's lips pulled back in a slight smile. "I told you I wasn't the poster boy for Sanity Fair."

"You're a superhero," Darcy shrugged. "Pretty sure that the job requirement is being a little touched in the head. You have to be a little special to think that it's awesome to fight killer penguins in your PJs."

Clint let out a surprised bark of laughter. Natasha loved when he did that. It meant that he was relaxed. He was always so tense, especially post-Loki. She reveled in the moments when he could let loose and just let his guard down. Even when it was just the two of them, she could tell he still struggled with letting go completely. Apparently he didn't have that problem with Darcy. Natasha felt an unpleasant cold feeling settle in her stomach as the pair continued to chat while sharing the melting pint of ice cream and cookies.

Despite the confusing, foreign feelings coursing through her, she didn't confront either of them. Instead she slipped back into the shadows to return to her room. As she climbed back into the bed, she heard his laugh in her head echoing through her brain. She had no idea what the unfamiliar burning in her chest was, but she knew she definitely didn't like it. She would work on discarding that useless emotion in the morning.

* * *

Natasha heaved a sigh of relief as she crossed the threshold of the Tower. Though she was only gone for four days, it felt like forever without any other member of the team present. But it was a necessary sacrifice given the delicate nature of her recent mission. Fury requested her specifically after receiving reports that the Winter Solider was spotted in some of his former hunting grounds. For obvious reasons the rest of the team wasn't included. If Steve even thought there was a remote change that Bucky was still alive, he wouldn't rest until his friend was back by his side. And given their loyalties and affection for their beloved captain, the rest of the team wouldn't rest either. Not that she was less loyal. But she had a history with the Winter Solider. She knew him as the dangerous assassin and not as the man that helped chase away childhood bullies. She knew that if he couldn't be stopped, she would be able to stop him. She never wanted to put Steve in that kind of position.

But it was all a moot point for now. The sighting turned out to be nothing of any real consequence. Either he was there and they picked up his trail too late or one of the SHIELD operatives in the area was getting a little antsy. It didn't really matter to her one way or another. The fact of the matter was that she didn't find him and now she was home. She could relax and soak up the insanity that was her team. She stepped onto the private bank of elevators that would lead her to the floors where the team lived. A single eyebrow rose as Tony's offensively loud music could be heard blaring from the speakers in the elevator.

"JARVIS, did I miss something here?"

"_Master Stark is engaging in a battle of wills with Dr. Banner." _

Natasha grinned. "Over what?"

"I believe it started over the last slice of pizza the other day but I doubt either of them remembers that now."

"Sounds about right."

"Welcome home, Agent Romanoff."

"Good to be home."

While she did genuinely mean that it was good to be home, it wasn't until she saw a familiar head of dark blonde hair leaned back against the sofa he was sprawled across that she understood how true it was. How he was managing to sleep through the music was beyond her. She stepped closer to him and frowned when he didn't as much as stir. Clint was a notoriously light sleeper. She swore he could hear a sneeze from a lab twenty floors down and wake up. But now with AC/DC blaring the room's speakers, he didn't even twitch.

She dropped a hand to his shoulder and shook him lightly. His eyes snapped open and she suddenly found herself on the floor. She struggled into a less vulnerable position sitting up and studying her partner. A heavy silence fell over the two agents as Natasha struggled not to alarm the clearly keyed up archer. Clint, on the other hand, was slowly waking up. She could tell the moment he was totally alert as his eyes clouded with the too familiar look of guilt.

"Tasha?" his voice was rough and slightly slurred. She assumed it was because he was still half asleep. Though the reflection of horror in his eye belied that thought. "I'm so….." he trailed off abruptly, rising to his feet and walking away. Natasha was confused as to what the hell just happened. Her confusion skyrocketed as Clint's hasty retreat from the room was halted by him bumping into someone entering the scene.

Darcy blinked as she realized who almost knocked her over. She was holding something in her hands that she quickly put on a side table, freeing her hands to grab a hold of Clint. Natasha watched as one hand started to fly in seemingly random tics of movement. It was only when Clint started to move his hands in response that she realized they were signing. She didn't know what was more surprising about the scene: that Darcy knew sign language or that Clint was apparently not wearing the hearing implants that Tony made for him. He only used sign language on those rare occasions when he took the small devices out.

She tuned back into the silent conversation as it became more animated, fingers flying wildly. Finally Darcy groaned aloud and reached for the items she hastily discarded in her effort to get to Clint. Natasha recognized the small orange bottle that held Clint's migraine medication. She also handed him a bottle of water. He made a quick flickering movement of gratitude before shuffling out of the room.

Darcy started to walk away when she finally noticed Natasha standing by the recently abandoned sofa. Her eyes widened slightly and Natasha imagined that she was probably trying to work out exactly what happened between the two agents.

"I didn't know you were back," Darcy finally said, though Natasha could tell it wasn't what she really wanted to say. "Welcome back!"

"He wasn't wearing the implants."

"Ah, no. He wasn't. He started complaining about a migraine somewhere between Metallica and AC/DC. Tony and Bruce are too far gone in their war to hear anything resembling logic. So he took them out a little while ago. I just found the medicine in his room."

She relayed the information easily as if Clint's medical history as something she was just used to dealing with. Natasha was the one that dealt with Clint's migraines. She was the one that reminded him to take the implants out occasionally. She was the one that learned sign language so that she could communicate with him when he wasn't wearing the implants. But now apparently he had Darcy to help him with that.

"I didn't know you knew sign language."

"Yeah," Darcy grinned sheepishly. "One of my cousins was born deaf. So we all had to learn. I haven't seen them in awhile and I mostly forgot how much I did know. But Clint and Bruce have been working with me these past few days."

Natasha nodded tightly. That would explain the familiarity between the two. There was a common ground established and that was it. But what she was still struggling to understand was the burning feeling in her chest at just how comfortable the pair had grown since she was gone. Though he lost his hearing in one of his early missions with SHIELD, it still took Natasha nearly a year to gain his trust enough to know he was deaf. And even when she did, he didn't talk to her for a week afterwards. It took another three years for her to see him without the hearing aid devices. Darcy was around less than a month and she was apparently already granted that privilege. That just didn't seem…. Fair.

She swallowed that last thought. She was the goddamn Black Widow. She didn't need things to be fair. But then why did it feel like there was a vice around heart? Why did she feel like the air was being forced from her lungs? Her brain was whirling but she couldn't grab onto any of the thoughts due to the pounding in her ears. What the hell was happening to her? She never felt this way before and she definitely didn't like it.

"Natasha, are you ok?"

The assassin swallowed the furious storm of emotions and forced a smile on her face. "I'm fine, Darcy. I should probably go check on Clint."

"Right," Darcy drawled. She raised an eyebrow before shuffling towards the abandoned sofa. She plopped down and promptly put the headphones for her beloved iPod in her ears.

Natasha barely paid the girl any attention. She took a deep steadying breath as she turned on her heels in the direction of Clint's room. She kept thinking about his eyes and how distraught he looked when he realized who she was. Keeping in mind the conversation she overheard before her abrupt mission, she knew that he still had nightmares about being under Loki's control and that this was definitely going to affect him. She knew that his defensive move that caused her no harm would probably be twisted and turned into something uglier and malicious if she left him to linger on his own. But still she couldn't force herself to push open the door separating her form her partner.

She kept replaying their silent conversation in her head. She saw the way that he relaxed under Darcy's touch. She noted the familiarity between them and it irked her. The easiness between them disturbed her. If she were truly honest with herself, she would know that it hurt her. The whole thing hurt and didn't know why. She didn't want to explore why either. Something was happening to them. To say that there was only a metal door between her and Clint, she never felt more distant from him.

* * *

Something was off with their assassins. It didn't take a rocket scientist or even the most observant of people to see that, obviously as Steve and Thor were both clued in pretty early. But it was going to take a delicate touch with this one. For all that she was acting like a normal girl at the moment the truth was that Natasha was very much the Black Widow. She could murder them all with a bobby pin. It would not doo well to piss her off. Hence why he was rethinking her decision to include Tony in this intervention. When they first agreed that someone needed to talk to Natasha, they soon realized that they were more afraid of their female teammate than some of the enemies they faced down.

Seriously if it wasn't for the significant emotional damage it would likely cause both Thor and Clint, Bruce would rather face off with Loki again than go talk to Natasha. But the fact remained that someone needed to intervene soon. Whatever strange tension that developed between the two agents was starting to affect the whole team, even in the field. Just the other day, Tony had to break several laws of physics to get back in time to save some guy that Clint casually tossed off a building. His only defense after the fact was that the guy deserved it.

Natasha wasn't much better. She was distracted. She could normally take out five men twice her size in under three minutes. It took her ten this week. That wasn't a terribly significant figure at first but when combined with Clint's sudden lack of concern about human lives it was enough to make it obvious that something was very wrong with their agents. The two barely spent more than five minutes together since Natasha returned home from her mission a few days ago. Normally they were attached at the hip. Clearly something was up and they knew it likely had everything to do with a certain blue eyed assistant. Which meant that talking to Clint would be useless (and possibly fatal as he spent his days in the range) and that meant that they needed to suck it up and talk to Natasha.

After begging Coulson to talk to her and having him shut them down, they drew straws on who would be the one to confront her. Bruce lost. Naturally this meant that Tony was coming along for the ride. If he was going down then he was taking someone else out with him. Tony seemed strangely resigned to his fate. Though he was less talkative than normal, he wasn't display the same amount of fear that Bruce felt at the moment.

"Bruce, in case we don't make it," Tony started as they neared the pensive looking Natasha. "I just want to say that I'm so proud that I've made your time with the Avengers Initiative a happy one." Bruce gave him a look out the corner of his eye but decided against responding to that one. Mostly because it was kind of true but also because he was a little concerned that they wouldn't make it through this one.

"What do you two want?" Natasha asked, not bothering to turn her head away from whatever scene outside had grabbed her attention. She was curled up on the sofa overlooking the large picture window. Between the hoodie that was clearly borrowed from one of the males of the team (Clint) and the blanket draped across her body, Natasha looked uncharacteristically sad and small.

"We come in peace," Tony blurted out, holding his hands up in surrender. Bruce rolled his eyes and contemplated the logic behind dragging his idiot best friend on this mission.

"Look, Natasha, we just wanted to talk to you. We've noticed that things between you and Clint have been a little…. strained lately. We wanted to see if you were ok."

"I'm fine."

'Where have I heard that one before?' Bruce mused. Clint and Natasha really were cut from the same mold. He crossed his arms over his chest.

"You want to try that one again?"

Natasha turned her head to glare at the two geniuses. "Don't you have anything better to do with your time? Why aren't you interrogating Clint?"

"One, helping a friend is definitely something worth doing," Bruce replied. "And two, we tried to talk to Clint. That ended with him shooting several arrows in our direction. And seeing as how he hasn't left the range in two days, we didn't think further attempts at discussing his feelings would end well for us."

"Unless we felt like resembling pincushions," Tony grimaced. Bruce watched as his hand absently grazed across the spot where one of Clint's arrows narrowly missed hitting him right in the head. At least Bruce hoped that it was a planned missed. He didn't want to think of how upset the archer was that he was actually shooting at his friends. "So you want to tell us what's going on?"

"Nothing is going on," Natasha hissed. "Everything is fine."

"This is about Darcy, isn't it?" Tony blurted, completely ignoring the part where they were going to approach the situation delicately. Bruce tensed, waiting for the inevitable explosion but it never came. Instead the redhead slumped further down in her seat with a mournful expression on her face.

"Tash," the scientist murmured. "You want to talk about it?"

"No," she retorted, petulantly. "But I think that I need to because I just don't understand what's happening to me. I can't eat. I can't sleep. And every time that I see him around her, I feel sick. Like my heart is about to explode or something!"

Bruce mentally sighed while simultaneously cursing Phil. Of course he didn't want to be the one to explain what was happening to Natasha. The agent probably felt like it was going to be awkward and kind of weird. He was right. But the fact that he left it to any of the Avengers just demonstrated that Phil was just as demented as his team. He sighed heavily, taking a seat on the other side of the couch. Tony sat down as well on the arm of the chair.

"How long have you known Clint?"

"Almost ten years."

"It's safe to say that it's very important to you, right?" Tony asked next, clearly seeing where Bruce was headed with this.

"Of course he is. He's the reason why I even joined SHIELD. He's my partner."

"But it's more than that."

Natasha's mouth opened and closed as she gave the question way more thought than either man thought she should. As far as they were all concerned it was a no brainer. Nothing made Natasha lose her cool faster than hearing that something happened to Clint. If he so much as bumped his head, she was ready to kill people. Then again, as far as they all knew, this was Natasha's first real love. On that note, this was also Clint's first real relationship. Bruce groaned. It was like dealing with teenagers. Emotionally damaged and trained to kill with a paperclip teenagers. He really did love this team.

"It is," she finally said, quietly. "He is. He's more than that."

"It's simple what's happening," Bruce said, smiling softly. "You're jealous." Off her confused look, he rushed to clarify. "You're jealous of whatever is going on with Darcy and Clint and the bond they're forming. For so long, it was just you two and Phil. Now you've got us but we're not really a valid threat because well, he's cute but he's not my type."

"'s not what the Other Guy thinks," Tony muttered. Bruce took a great sense of satisfaction elbowing the jerk in the ribs.

"But," he continued, ignoring Tony's gasp of pain. "Darcy is young and pretty. She's cracked through Clint's barriers faster than any of us could or did. So I understand why you're jealous but I still don't think you have a real reason to be."

"What do you mean?"

"In case you're blind, our Hawk does tend to get this dopey look in his face whenever you're around. You stopped talking to him for a few days and he's flinging people off buildings and forgetting that friends don't shoot friends with arrows." Tony paused. "You're his waffles."

Bruce narrowed his eyes while Natasha frowned in confusion. "Huh?"

"You know. That thing you can't live without. Bruce has waffles. I have Pepper and robots. Thor has 'insert popular culture reference' of the week. Steve has truth, justice and the American way. You have weapons. And Clint has you."

Bruce was temporarily at a loss because that was somehow insulting towards him and yet poetic, sentimental and honest at the same time. Still didn't stop him from wanting to kick his friend when all this was over. Or maybe task him with the dirty job of making sure Clint ate tonight. Although he was hopeful that Natasha would be the one making sure her boyfriend ate so they could go back to an existence where they didn't constantly worrying about getting an arrow through the knee.

"You're right," Natasha said, sitting up somewhat. Bruce felt his hopes soar. "Clint is amazing. He's what every girl would want in a boyfriend. What every agent wants as a partner. He's been through so much. Has so many scars but he's still there for me when I need him. And what does he get in return? Me."

Tony raised an eyebrow looking to Bruce. He knew that his face looked similarly confused. That was definitely not the way this was supposed to play out.

"He deserves better," Natasha continued, oblivious to Tony and Bruce's internal flailing. "Maybe he would be better with Darcy. She seems to be more affectionate. Maybe that's why he's been spending so much time with her. She's sweet. And she smiles. And she's emotionally stable."

"Uh, Nat…"

"She's probably not afraid to tell him that she loves him," Natasha said, her hands twisting the blanket. "She's not damaged. She doesn't have red in her ledger. The things I've done… I can't ever make up for that. Clint doesn't need someone broken like him. He needs someone to help him put the pieces back together. I can't even fix myself!"

"Oh, we're screwed," Tony mumbled.

"Natasha," Bruce tried to interrupt her again. He was once again ignored.

"I should just let him be happy with a nice, normal girl and not the eighty year old assassin who clearly has no idea how to function in a relationship. Darcy seems like she has a sense of humor. Plus you know she's going to age normally."

Bruce's brow furrowed as he tried to follow her train of thought. "I'm pretty sure that Clint doesn't care about how old you are, Natasha. He's known for years and it's never bothered him before."

"That's because he's still young," Natasha shook her head. "Once he starts getting older, he's going to be more self-conscious. He deserves to have someone that'll grow old with him."

Tony started to say something more but Bruce shook his head cutting him off. He merely patted the female agent on the shoulder before dragging Tony away. It spoke volumes of how screwed they were that Tony just followed along without protest. They walked into the kitchen were Thor and Steve were waiting with Darcy.

"How did it go?" Steve asked once looked up from his paper. Bruce figured he must've looked at their faces because the earnest, hopeful look faded from his eyes. "That bad, huh?"

"So I think we may want to consider moving out for a couple of days," Tony suggested. "Maybe go on a little vacation. Somewhere warm, drama and arrow free and just not here."

"What happened?"

"We tried to talk to her and I think we just made things worse," Bruce sighed. "A lot worse."

"How much worse?" Thor asked, concerned.

"She's thinking about breaking up with him," Tony said, wincing.

Steve and Thor exchanged worried glances. "So about that vacation…."

Darcy scoffed, attracting the attention of the four men. She was shaking her head with her arms crossed over her chest. "You guys are pathetic. Seriously, I don't understand how you manage to save the world when you can't even do a simple thing like give functional relationship advice! I don't know what Phil was thinking sending a bunch of men to do a woman's job. You guys just sit here. I'm going to do what I should've done three days ago."

Bruce watched as the assistant stalked over to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of something. She gave them one last eye roll before stomping out of the room. The four men remained seated staring at the door with their jaws hanging open. Tony was the first to recover (as usual).

"It's a shame. I'm really going to miss her after Natasha totally kills her," Tony said, leaning against the fridge. "So what do you guys think about Bali?"

* * *

Natasha didn't bother to look up when she heard another person walk into the room. Her mind was reeling. She was jealous. Now that she thought about it, it made sense. But at the same time, it didn't. She was the Black Widow! She was not supposed to be close enough to be jealous of anything. But she was. She was beyond close to Clint. But she couldn't tell him that. She kept him at a distance. Even now when they were officially "dating", she still pushed him away. And all because of an assistant?

"I need a drink," she muttered, running a hand over her face.

"Maybe this will help," her silent observer commented before handing over a bottle of her favorite vodka. She blinked at the sudden offering and the one holding onto the bottle. Darcy met her gaze with a nod. Natasha took the bottle hesitantly.

"How did you know about this?"

"The same way I know anything about you," Darcy said, rolling her eyes and taking a seat on the other side of the sofa. "Clint. He told me that this is your favorite kind and pretty much the only method of bribery that works when someone other than him or Phil want you to do something."

Natasha's brow furrowed. "You want me to do something?"

"Yes."

She swallowed. "What?"

"I want you to stop it."

Now she was beyond confused. "Stop what exactly?"

"I want you to stop thinking that I want Clint or that he wants me. I know we haven't done the womanly bonding thing but there is one thing you need to know about me. I'm not in the habit of fighting losing battles. And that would be a hell of a loser right there."

"What do you mean?"

"Seriously? Clint is more than a little hung up on you. You're like the world to him. Only an idiot would think that it wasn't the same for you." She took the bottle from Natasha, opened it and took a swig. She handed it back to the assassin with a smirk. "I'm not trying to take him from you, Natasha. He doesn't want me or any woman that's not Natasha Romanov. "

Natasha took a drink from the bottle and nodded thoughtfully. "I've seen him with you. You managed to get through to him faster than anyone I've ever seen. Even Phil had a hard time getting him to trust him. But you… it was like he was waiting for you."

Darcy shook her head. "And yet almost every conversation we have is about you. It's a good thing I knew I never stood a chance with him before I started working for SHIELD or else I'd develop a complex. Then again I'd just fit in with the rest of you a little better with an emotional complex."

Natasha chose to ignore that last part. "He really talks about me?"

"Yeah," Darcy retorted as if it was just obvious. "Look, I should've just talked to you after the whole thing with the hearing aids but I don't know… I guess I was just scared or something. You do have a reputation as a kill first and ask questions never kind of girl."

The redhead smiled slightly before offering the bottle back to the younger woman. "I guess I have been behaving a bit irrationally lately."

"I'll say. I'm not interested in him, Natasha. Like at all. Clint is a great guy but he's like an older brother. I don't see him as anything more than that."

The assassin nodded again. "It took me a year to find out that he was deaf. You found out in less than a month."

"That would actually be your fault."

She raised an eyebrow. "How's that?"

"You taught him that the hearing loss doesn't make him weak. He's comfortable with it now. He doesn't care who knows about it because he knows that you guys will always be there to back him up."

"He told you that?"

"Yeah, right," Darcy laughed, taking another drink. "More like I'm good at reading between the emotionally repressed lines." She nudged Natasha with her shoulder. "He's pretty good at it too. If you think that he doesn't know how you feel about him, then you're crazy. He knows. It's obvious from the way he talks about you. Not to mention the way you look at him. You two are kind of adorable together, you know that?"

Natasha fought the urge to blush and instead took a long drag from the bottle. "You really think he knows?"

"Yeah, he does. He knows. I know because he spends less time up in his nests and down here on the ground with the rest of us. It's all because you make him feel safe here on the ground."

Natasha sighed, leaning back against the sofa. "I do… love him. I do love him."

"I know."

She drummed her fingers on her thigh before peering at the girl next to her. "This is kind of nice."

"What you never did girl talk back in Russia?"

"Definitely not," Natasha laughed, quietly. "No time for bonding in between learning how to kill a grown man in five seconds or less and shutting down your emotions."

"What about with Pepper?"

Natasha shrugged. "Pepper is alright. I don't really have anything against her but… she doesn't get us. She tries because she loves Tony. But she just doesn't understand why we do what we do."

"And I do?"

"Phil wouldn't have put you here, if you didn't," Natasha pointed out. "Plus you don't think it's weird when Clint pops out of the ceiling or Thor drags around his pillow pets."

"Everyone has their thing," Darcy replied. "You guys save the world. You're allowed to have some quirks."

Natasha nodded. "I'm starting to see why Clint likes talking to you so much." She brought the bottle back up and frowned when it came up empty. "Well that sucks."

"Not necessarily," Darcy smirked. "I say we go out. Have a girls' night out."

Natasha shifted, intrigued by the idea. "Only one problem there, remember? I'm kind of grounded."

"Phil said that you weren't allowed to leave unless accompanied by either him, Fury or an agent. I may not be an agent but I am an extension of Phil. So that means you can leave as long as you stay with me."

The redhead sat up a little with a smile growing on her lips. "I like the way you think."

The two women shared a look of mutual understanding before rushing to their respective rooms to change. Natasha left a note on the coffee table before heading out with Darcy, feeling lighter than she had in a while. Things were finally starting to look up. Of course that was before they got arrested.

* * *

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

Natasha groaned, pushing herself up to a seated position at the too familiar voice. When Phil said he was sending someone, she thought the agent would send someone responsible and less likely to mock her. Someone like Bruce. She had no idea that he would lift the imposed ban on the rest of the team. She glared at Clint as he leaned against the cell door with a mocking smirk on his face.

"Seriously, this is what you snuck out for?"

"Shut up!" she hissed, though she felt her lips curving into a smile against her will. "So how much trouble are we in?"

"Well Fury's head practically exploded when he got the call that you and Darcy got arrested. Phil is just amazed that for once in the history of this team, Tony and I had nothing to do with the illegal and insane activities that occurred. And Maria is just silently judging us as usual."

Natasha rolled her eyes at the last part. "When can we leave?"

"Now," Clint smiled fondly in Darcy's direction. The assistant was sprawled across the other bed set up in the cell. Soft snores escaped her lips every now and then but she made no efforts to wake up or even move. Natasha shook her head before meeting Clint's eyes once again. "Tony posted bail and Phil worked his government magic to get all charges against you two dropped."

"Oh, that's good."

"Yup," Clint nodded. An awkward silence settled over the couple that was blessedly interrupted as Thor appeared behind Clint. The archer looked relieved and turned to face the god. He pointed towards the sleeping Darcy.

Natasha realized a second too late what they were talking about. She could only watch in faint amusement and horror as Thor attempted to lift the sleeping Darcy only to feel Darcy's ever present taser poking him in the neck. Natasha was impressed. The girl was asleep and she just managed to take down a thousand year old god. But now they were left with one sleeping assistant and an unconscious god.

"So I guess we're waiting," Clint murmured, stepping into the not at all meant to accommodate four people cell. He sat gingerly on the far end of Natasha's designated bed. Natasha frowned at the distance between them. She saw the hesitance in his movements. It was like he was afraid that he was going to be crossing some invisible line with her.

"Clint?" she asked, quietly. He looked up and she smiled softly before shifting closer and pressing her lips against his. It took a moment before she felt him kiss back. The tension faded from his body as he relaxed and pulled her into his arms. Natasha pulled back, resting her head against his. "Hi."

"Hey," he chuckled, brushing her hair from her face. "So we're good?"

"We're always good. You get me. You accept my hang-ups and quirks or whatever. So yes, we're good."

"I do," Clint nodded. "But sometimes it wouldn't hurt for you to talk to me. I'm pretty fluent in Natasha but sometimes I need a little help. I need you to talk to me."

"I think I can manage that," she smiled, kissing him again. "I love you, Clint."

His eyes widened a little in surprise before a smirk pulled on his lips. "I know."

She reared back with a glare. "Seriously? _Star Wars_? Really?"

"I love that you know that!" Clint laughed. He pulled her back onto his lap and into another tight embrace. "I love you too, Nat."

Natasha put her head on his shoulder. She used to think that love was for children. That she didn't have any place in her life for that type of emotions. But then she met Clint Barton. He changed everything for her. She told him that his hearing loss didn't make him weak and maybe it was time she took her own advice. Being in love with Clint didn't make her weak. Finding a family with the Avengers, Phil and Nick didn't make her weak. It gave her the motivation she needed to fight. It gave her something to live for.

"You're turning me into a sap, Barton," she chided, playfully hitting him on the shoulder.

"There are worse things in this world."

Any response she would've made was halted at the low groan from the other bed. Darcy moaned again as she struggled to raise herself up on her elbows. "Ugh, why does it feel like a small fury animal died in my mouth?" she glanced around the cell with a lack of comprehension in her eyes. "And who killed Thor?"

Natasha grinned. "Well the first part would be because you bet me that you could down an entire bottle of Patron. You followed that up by declaring that your lifelong dream was to kiss a squirrel." At Clint's confused look, she shrugged. "I don't know. Things got a little fuzzy after the sixth bottle of vodka."

Clint shook his head. "Aw, my little drunks were bonding!" he brushed away imaginary tears. "I'm so proud." Darcy flipped him off while Natasha settled for smacking on the shoulder again. He laughed at both of them before nudging Thor with his foot. "Wake up. You're a god. A puny taser shouldn't take you out."

"Nothing puny about my taser. Tony made it. This baby shoots out 100,000 volts of electricity."

"We really need to work on Tony's habits of making weapons of mass destruction for his loved ones," Natasha murmured.

"Can you do that after he finishes my sonic arrows?" Clint asked, pleading. Natasha rolled her eyes. He beamed before poking Thor again with his foot. "Seriously, wake up. You're an alien god. You're not getting taken out by a tricked out taser."

"Still hurts," was the muffled retort from the crumpled alien god on the floor.

"Wussy."

Thor cracked an eye open to glare at his friend even as he sat up fully. "Are you questioning the might of Thor?"

"Pretty much," Clint confirmed with a smug smile. The smile dropped as Thor's face fell. His lips twisted downward and the blue eyes dimmed a bit. Natasha could see the beginning of a pout. "Wait! You know I was just kidding, right? I would never question you, big guy. You know that. I'm sorry!" Clint raked a hand through his hair, clearly trying to come up with a way to fix this. "Want to go buy more pillow pets? I have Tony's credit card."

Thor tilted his head down for a moment before looking back up. There was no trace of the previous sadness on his face as he smiled brightly at Clint. "That's an excellent suggestion, friend Clint."

Clint frowned. "I just got played, didn't I?"

"Oh, yeah," Natasha agreed. She stood up, pulling him to his feet. "But at least you're still cute." He gave her a look before helping Thor off the floor. The two men walked out ahead of the recently freed Darcy and Natasha.

"So you two are looking cozy again," Darcy started.

Natasha smiled. "Yeah, we're ok. I got some good advice last night from a friend and I'm going to actually listen to it."

"Friend, huh?"

"Don't let it go to your head," Natasha retorted, around a smile.

"Does this mean I can't write about how super excited I am about our total girl power bonding? I was so looking forward to devoting an entire Facebook status to our being besties!"

"Do you even hear yourself when you talk?"

"I try not to listen too carefully. My goal is to ignore my insanity until at least thirty."

Natasha blinked, looking between Clint and Darcy. "My god, there's two of you."

"I know. Isn't it awesome?!"

The redhead could only shake her head in response. Truthfully, it was kind of awesome. If someone told her ten years ago that she would be willingly spending an afternoon in a toy store with her boyfriend and two of her best friends, she probably would've eliminated them in a truly horrifying way. But now? Now she was enjoying the moment. Now she was accepting that she was not only the badass ninja assassin but also a girlfriend, a friend and a sister. She could live with that. And if anyone had a problem with it, well, she still knew how to disembowel a person with a Bic pen.

* * *

*The end for now. As usual, hope you enjoy. Now I'm off to attend to the other brainworms competing for attention. Hopefully another chapter of Gemini Protocol will be up soon and then another crack chapter for this story. Yeah. Soon... lol. Ciao for now!


	6. Robots

**Summary:** They were six damaged and hurting individuals but when they were together they were something amazing. They were more than a team, they were a family. A series of one-shots set in the Savior-verse.

**Pairings:** Clintasha and background Peppernony

**Warnings:** Just general spoilers for the movie… but everyone should've seen it already by now so no worries! Warnings also for questionable, crackish behaviors by adults with superpowers. Also OOC internal monologues and lack of emotional stability. Also a warning for language because… I have a potty mouth. So there may be some naughty language. Sorry!

**Disclaimer:** If I owned anything having to with the _Avengers_ I would be a rich, happy woman. Instead I am a broke, happy woman. One out of two isn't that bad.

**Author's Note:** So hello again. Here we are with another wonderful installment. The only bright side about Hurricane Sandy was that it killed my job which gave me quite a lot of free time. Free time I decided to spend writing chapters for you all. Isn't that wonderful? This one is just straight crack. There is no real way of describing other than crack. With a plot. One day I'll understand how I do these things. One day. Enjoy!

* * *

**Robots**

"I think Tony's robots want us dead."

Phil looked up from his Kindle at the sound of a surprisingly verbal Clint. He took in the archer's pale face and bruised skin before the words finally registered. He was used to Clint on pain meds (a little too used to it honestly) but even he was confused at the completely random sounding statement. He placed the tablet to the side to regard Clint further.

The younger man was blinking dopily at the wall in front of him, though Phil noticed that his eyes darted every so often in the direction of one of the many robots that populated the medical floor at the Tower. While Clint regarded the wall with a smile that spoke to how drugged he was at the time, Phil observed that his glances towards the docile Dummy were hostile and almost a little afraid.

"Why do you think that?" he asked, drawing on the infinite well of patience he seemed to possess when it came to the Avengers, especially dirty blonde archers and redheaded octogenarian assassins.

Clint leaned forward, prompting Phil to do the same. "It's the way they look at us. I see it in their beady little electronic eyes." He turned to glare at Dummy again. "I know what you're up to. You can't fool me with your clicking and cooing!"

Phil raised an eyebrow before picking up Clint's chart. It wasn't that he doubted Bruce's skill as the team's medic but he was starting to wonder if perhaps he gave Clint a little too much… something. Because clearly something wasn't right. When a thorough scan of the chart didn't reveal any anomalies in terms of medication, Phil conceded that Clint was just extra loopy due to yet another head injury. He resolved to keep a closer eye on the younger man during the next few weeks and to just ignore his crazy rambling. Well, maybe eventually but for now….

"Clint, maybe you should just go to sleep."

Clint's blown pupils made his widened eyes look even more pathetic and heartbreaking against the bruised background of his face. It also was the reason why Phil covered the archer's hand with his own. Clint's body sagged as if popped like a balloon at the familiar grounding touch. His eyes lost some of their wild quality but the glazed look never left. He swallowed, glancing between the lurking Dummy and Phil.

"Can't sleep," Clint whined petulantly, shaking his head slightly and wincing at the movement. "They'll get me if I sleep."

"They won't," Phil promised. "I won't let them."

"Don't trust them, Phil," Clint murmured, the lull of sleep already dragging him under. "They want us gone."

Phil carded his fingers through Clint's hair while rubbing circles on the limp hand with his thumb. "I promise Tony's robots won't hurt you tonight."

"Mmm," Clint murmured, eyes drooping shut. "'s good. Stupid robots. Watch when you sleep. Just jealous."

Phil blinked in confusion but continued his ministrations until the ragged breathing finally evened out in sleep. He didn't let go of Clint's hand but did use his other hand to press the call button beside the bed. He was dimly aware of Dummy still hovering in the background but focused more on the rapid footsteps headed towards the Tower's infirmary.

"You called, sir?"

Phil could always tell what kind of day he was going to have when Bruce called him sir. Even after a year with the Avengers, the scientist sometimes reverted to his introverted days and relied on formal titles when speaking to Phil and Nick. Of course, those instances were growing few and far between as he became more acclimated to being a part of the team. On the days when Bruce referred to him as sir, Phil knew that he had an ally in whatever chaos Clint and Tony managed to create in the time they were left unsupervised. But the days when Bruce called him Phil, those were the days that Phil knew he was screwed. Those were the days that the Science Bros and their too smart for Phil's own good sidekick probably did something that could either end the world or make Phil wish that it was ending. Today, however, was a good day. Mostly because Clint was unconscious, Bruce was calling him sir and Tony was guiltily sulking in his lab.

"How's Stark?"

Bruce huffed, rolling his eyes somewhat. "He's still refusing to believe that there was no way he could've prevented this. I told him that he was clear on the other side of the city. None of us were around the building. Clint fell. It was just an unfortunate accident."

Phil heard the concern underlying Bruce's flippant tone. Truthfully the agent was just as concerned about their resident billionaire genius as Bruce. Tony's self worth was barely taped together. It didn't take much to convince him that he was in the wrong. Of course he would take Clint falling personally since it was usually him or the Hulk that caught the archer when he did his usual leap without looking. But this time, it couldn't be helped. Backup was too far away and Clint needed to jump. Phil was just grateful he was around to witness the brief flash of horrified surprise on Steve's face when Clint jumped off a balcony on the 30th floor and landed right on the captain. After the initial shock and slight panic that the idiot almost got himself killed in yet another bordering on suicidal stunt, Phil was able to admit that it was actually pretty funny. But that's only because he was holding onto solid proof that Clint was very much alive.

"Did he wake up?" Bruce asked, moving towards the bed. He lifted Clint's free hand to check that the IV was still connected.

"Yeah, he woke up and started babbling about Tony's robots. I think he's having an adverse reaction to the medication."

Bruce's brow furrowed. "I have him on the usual Barton cocktail." Neither man commented on the fact that Clint ended up in the infirmary so often that he had a usual cocktail of medication. "What exactly did he say about Tony's robots?"

"That they want you all dead."

The furrow grew deeper as Bruce's eyes slid between Phil, the sleeping Clint and Dummy in the corner. Phil noticed that Bruce lingered on Dummy a little longer than he felt comfortable with. "Huh," the scientist finally mumbled. "I guess I'll keep an eye on that."

"On the medication," Phil clarified, hope in his tone.

"Sure, Phil."

That should've been his sign. But it wasn't. Instead he trusted in the fact that Bruce was an adult and turned his attention back to his Kindle. His other hand was still wrapped tightly around Clint's. Even though he was dismissive of Clint's killer robot theory, he would stay because the kid trusted him to keep watch. That was enough. So he settled back in his chair, half paying attention to his book and idly watching the steady beeping from Clint's monitors. He was so immersed in his chosen tasks that he failed to notice Dummy in the background, watching the two men and emitting low beeps and clicks every now and then.

* * *

Things were surprisingly calm for a few days after that incident. As Clint's usual bruised ribs and concussion combination slowly healed, Bruce allowed him some small roaming privileges. Naturally his roaming placed him in Tony's lab almost as soon as Bruce allowed him to be mobile. Phil wasn't entirely sure what was said between the two Avengers but Tony emerged from his lab for the first time in almost a week, wearing a bright smile and willing to eat the breakfast Steve forced on him. And if Tony hovered a little too much around Clint in the days following his return to the land of the living, no one commented because they were just happy to have the whole team together again.

With Tony back amongst the living and Clint no longer drugged to the gills or lapsing into random introspective paranoid moments, Phil thought he heard the last of the killer robots. He actually almost forgot all about it until the morning he walked into the Tower and found Thor in the midst of a rather heated argument with the coffee machine. At first, he was willing to let it go because… it was Thor. Yelling at appliances was probably the least weird thing he would do that week. Even after a year, the thunder god still struggled with adjusting to Earth customs. But Phil thought he was getting a little better. Clearly, he was wrong.

"You will cease your belittling comments! Though you provide delicious sustenance, your insolence will not be tolerated! You will not mock the mighty Thor!"

Phil raised an eyebrow, mentally cursing Darcy for taking a few weeks off to visit Jane. He was starting to get used to delegating the daily crazy to her. He watched Thor's increasingly more insane argument for a few more moments before shaking his head. He was definitely getting too something for this. It wasn't old but it was definitely something. He was prepared to walk away when he realized that he was being watched. The corners of his lips tilted up as he cocked his head to the side.

"So how long has he been arguing with the coffee machine? Also I wasn't aware that Dr. Banner gave you permission to roam the air ducts."

A muffled snort sounded above his head. He wasn't surprised to see Clint dropping from the ceiling to land beside him. He wrapped an arm around his still healing ribs but managed to remain upright without any assistance. It was a definite improvement from earlier this week.

"For the record, Bruce never said I _couldn't_ go in the vents. Besides it's quieter up there. Less…. Busy." Clint waved a vague hand before looking over the still seething god. "That is also not his fault, by the way."

"It's a coffee machine, Barton. How exactly did it manage to offend him?"

"It called him a worthless flesh bag," Clint shrugged. "I don't see how something whose entire function in life is to produce a drink based off beans can be so friggin judgmental but Thor seems pretty offended."

"The coffee machine…." Phil trailed off. He grabbed the archer's chin forcing him to meet his gaze. The grayish blue eyes seemed normal. The only emotions he could sense were confusion and concern. He let him go, patting him on the shoulder. "So the coffee machine is now insulting Thor? Any other appliances I should be concerned about?"

"Well, the toaster keeps burning Bruce's waffles," Clint reported, without a hint of amusement. He was actually serious. God help them. Clint Barton was serious. "It's not a direct assault but I swear I'm more afraid of Bruce without his morning waffles than the Hulk. At least you can appease the big guy with some _My Little Pony_. Bruce just straight up wants to murder people for fun when he doesn't get his waffle fix."

Phil felt a migraine building. Thankfully, in that moment Natasha appeared. She paused to regard Thor's ongoing argument with the coffee machine before returning her full attention to the cellphone in her hand. She thrust the phone into Clint's hand, her lips fixed into a scowl. Phil knew that look rarely preceded anything good. No, it was best to fix whatever this was before….

"Tell me you know this number," Natasha hissed to her partner. "Most importantly, tell me you know where I can find this bastard so I can show them just how deadly a Black Widow truly is."

Clint looked between the message and Natasha with an apprehensive look. This did little to lessen Phil's anxiety as he was convinced that Clint didn't know that apprehensive was an actual emotion. Phil felt he was justified in that belief given the many instances where Clint demonstrated little to no awareness of his own mortality. Still in that moment, Clint could only be described as hesitant. That was not good. Phil leaned over to see read the message over Clint's shoulder. It didn't take long to see what had riled up the easily riled Natasha to the point of murdering people.

"Natasha, you've been many things in your years but a whore is not one of them. I don't really get that last part about not having an attractive meat suit but I'm sure it means something to someone," Phil assured the assassin. She didn't look very convinced.

Clint's eyes widened as he glanced between the phone and then Thor. "Meat suit, flesh bag… it's all the same. It's the robots. They're trying to screw us over. Make us go crazy so they can get Tony…." Clint trailed off, not bothering to turn back in Thor's direction. "You better not smash the coffee machine. They're already pissed at us for being here. If you start murdering them, who knows what they'll do next."

"Oh," Thor muttered. Phil watched as he returned Mjoliner to wherever the hammer resided when Thor was not using it. He gave the coffee machine one final glare before stomping over the short distance between him and his teammates. "You have a theory about the strange behavior of the electronic devices?"

"Yup," Clint replied, taking great pleasure in popping the p at the end of the sentence. "The robots are trying to get rid of us so that they can have Tony to themselves."

Phil gave into the urge to groan as both Natasha and Thor nodded. They were actually going along with this. He was well versed in Natasha's limited facial expressions. There was nothing there that said she was only humoring her partner. She actually believed this. Thor was too honest to lie. He believed it too. His team was already well on their way to insanity, robots be damned. He glanced over at Clint, who was explaining his idea from the top. That's when he noticed the gawky looking plastic devices visibly present in the archer's ears. Phil reached towards the hearing aids with a frown.

"Since when did you start wearing these again? Where is the Stark tech?"

The hearing aids were an unpleasant reminder of the first time he failed his agent. It was a mission early in his time as a SHIELD agent gone horribly wrong. Phil ended up in the hospital with wounds not unlike his run in with the business end of Loki's scepter and Clint lost 80% of his hearing. The good news was that he was able to wear the hearing aids and live a normal life. The bad news was that it was Clint. He learned just enough sign language after coming to in the hospital to tell them all off for even suggesting that he wear the "eyesores". It was a fight to get the archer to wear the hospital issued hearing aids. And he only managed to wear them a week before he ripped them out and declared that he would rather stay deaf than live with the "bulky monstrosities". Later that afternoon, he found a slimmer pair of SHIELD issued ones waiting in his locker. Ten years later, Tony designed hearing implants that were virtually invisible and more tricked out than the SHIELD ones. He never looked back at the hospital ones… until today.

"Oh, they were made by Tony," Clint said, as it that should be obvious. Phil stared blankly. "The robots are talking to us through everything, Phil. They've been hijacking my frequency. It's so damn noisy."

Phil blinked. "Really?"

"Yeah," Clint replied, with a careless shrug.

Phil was so done. Clearly there was some sort of mass insanity that was spreading through the team. He backed away slowly hoping that none of them would notice and try to drag him back into this mess. He was almost halfway to the front door when his phone rang. It wasn't his usual phone issued by Tony like all the other Avengers. Instead it was the phone he barely used except to talk to his mother and his girlfriend. With a worried frown (because he wasn't used to either of them calling in the middle of the afternoon) he pulled the phone from his suit jacket. His brow furrowed when he didn't immediately recognize the number.

"Coulson," he greeted.

"Oh thank god!" Steve's voice was fuzzy but Phil could still make out the thinly veiled panic in his tone. "You have to get me out of here!"

"Where exactly are you?"

To the best of his knowledge, none of the Avengers save for Tony and Bruce left the Tower that afternoon. This was obviously true in the case of Natasha, Clint and Thor who were now drifting closer to their handler. So much for a quiet escape.

"I'm in my room."

"And the reason you can't just leave is…."

"Uh," Steve hesitated. "You can't laugh, sir. It would appear that I'm stuck in here. I've been trying to leave for the past hour but the door won't open. And JARVIS isn't responding to me and my phone doesn't work. I had to use one of the phones Director Fury gave me when I first started."

Phil sighed. "How did you manage to get stuck in your room? It's a door, Steve. You're a super solider. Just break the thing down."

"I tried!" Steve retorted. "It's like its sealed shut from the outside."

Phil didn't need t look to know that the others were listening in on the conversation. Clint's muttered statement about the robots being to blame confirmed that theory. Phil ignored him. He instead focused on assuring Steve that they were working on a way of getting him out of his room. He hung up wondering exactly when his life took a turn towards completely insane. Sadly, the answer was probably a combination of the day he met Nick Fury and when he first found Clint's file. He shook off his thoughts as it occurred to him that the team was behaving more irrational than normal. It would probably be best if he paid attention to what they were saying this time.

"If we go through the ceilings, we should be able to access Steve's room," Clint said. "There's nothing electronic up there. I should be able to get Steve out the same way I'll get in."

At least for a minute they managed to let go of the killer robot theory. At least there was some hope for them. He watched as Natasha nodded to his plan before checking over his bandaged ribs. Satisfied, she stepped back and let Clint use Thor as boost. Phil followed the ceiling in what he thought might be the right direction. Really, he couldn't be sure. The only one who knew the ventilation system by heart was Clint. And while most people would be loud and awkward moving around the tight space, Clint was silent and almost at home. Thus the reason why Phil was confused when the archer snapped.

"Crap. Oh crap! I was wrong!" Clint's panicked voice sounded from somewhere above them. "Stupid Tony! He built a cleaning bot for up here! Holy crap, it's like a Roomba with a face! Why would he do that?!"

Phil was touched by the fact that Tony knew Clint made a habit of being a weirdo and crawling around through the vents and built something to keep it clean. He was also disturbed by the fact that the archer seemed to be fighting a Roomba and judging by the yelps of terror coming from the ceiling, he was losing.

"Hang on, Clint!" Natasha yelled. Her eyes narrowed as she tracked Clint's position. Phil really had no idea what she planning to do but he didn't think it involved shooting out an entire section of the ceiling. They all stood back as the ceiling fell bringing the small, circular device that indeed did have a face. And was that a mouth? Well that was… different and mildly terrifying. Clint's head appeared over the edge of the very large hole in the ceiling. His eyes widened as the Roomba started to move again.

"Thor, smash that thing!"

"I thought you said it was unwise to harm them."

"Yeah, well that was before that thing tried to eat my face!" Clint snapped. "They made this physical. Now we're just defending ourselves."

Thor didn't really seem to need much more in the way of encouragement as he summoned his hammer and raised it above the clicking and whirring floor vacuum. Phil noted that the god seemed to take a little too much pleasure in repeatedly bashing the still functioning Roomba. Natasha stood by with her arms crossed over her chest, shaking her head. Phil met her gaze, hoping that he found an ally in the midst of all the crazy. He did not.

"Now they're going to be really pissed," she said loudly over the sound of Thor's enthusiastic smashing. "We are so dead."

And Phil was once again done. He left the Tower before he could be drawn into anymore of their shenanigans. He wondered if it were possible for people to go crazy by association. Because he didn't understand how his entire team seemed to have snapped in the span of a week. And what exactly was he supposed to do with them? Don't crazy people go to therapy or get medicated? He was more than a little excited about that last one. Tony and Clint, with a strong possibility of Darcy and Natasha as well, could probably all benefit from something to help regulate their behaviors. He would settle for anything because they were all losing their damn minds. And he was starting to feel like maybe he was losing it too.

* * *

Two days later, he was no closer to solving the mystery of what to do with his crazy team. As he probably should've expected, he found little to no support from any other SHIELD agent. Sitwell had told him that he was going to avoid the emotional landmine that was "Phil's team" unless it was absolutely necessary. Apparently, he did not view the Avengers' belief of an impending robotic apocalypse as a necessary time. Maria simply sniffed and looked at him as if everything he said was a normal day for the team. And true, they had their head scratching moments but really? Was he the only one that was picking upon the fact that something was terribly wrong with them? Nick was similarly of no help.

"Did you ever think maybe they were right?"

Phil had narrowed his eyes at that and left the room. Clearly the insanity was spreading to the director as well. So here he was. Two days later and the team seemed to be growing more and more certain in their belief that the robots were coming after them. Almost every sentence out of Clint, Natasha and Thor involved robots in some capacity. Bruce was starting to buy into the theory if the garbled texts he received this morning were any indication. He made a mental note to remind Bruce that texting while hulking out was not a good way to get his message across. He also added making sure that the team was equipped with more than enough waffles to avoid pissing off the scientist to his To Do list for the day.

*Ring. Ring*

He raised an eyebrow. It was almost midnight. He had no idea who would be calling him at the office at this time. Even the director had gone home. To the best of his knowledge, he was the only one working in the office that evening. His concern and confusion only grew when he saw that the number was from the Tower.

"Hello?"

"_Agent Coulson?" _

Phil's eyes widened a fraction. "JARVIS?"

"_Good evening, sir. I apologize for calling so late but it is an emergency." _

"JARVIS, why are you calling me? Where is the team?"

"_That would be part of the emergency. I may have made a slight error in judgment_." Phil was very seriously considering a change in careers. _"I didn't believe that they were so set in their convictions and now I believe it may be too late." _

"Ok, I need you to start from the beginning. Is this about the team believing that Tony's robots are trying to kill them?"

"_Yes, and they're right_."

Phil groaned. "Why did I think you were going to say that?"

"_Sir, you've seen a lot of different things while working with SHIELD. Is the idea of sentient robots with murderous intentions really that much of stretch?" _

As much as he was loathe to admit it, the AI had a point. Super!

"So what's the emergency?"

"_It would appear that Agent Barton was able to convince Master Stark that the robots were a credible threat. He made a very impassioned speech about having enough room in his heart for all of us and the Avengers. I have it recorded if you want to see." _

"Yeah, I'll pass. I take it the speech didn't have the effect he wanted."

"_No,"_ JARVIS replied, quietly. "_It would appear that the others are too far gone. They don't see how the team has helped Master Stark. They simply want him gone. I believe they've developed a 'if we can't have you, then no one will' mentality." _

Phil resisted the urge to bang his head against his desk. He did sigh though. He figured he was allowed that one brief moment of humanity.

"What's the situation now?"

"_Thor, Captain Rogers and Agent Romanoff have been neutralized. Agent Barton is off grid while Dr. Banner and Master Stark are battling the espresso machine and the toaster in the kitchen." _

"Of course," Phil muttered. "I'll be there in under an hour. If you can get a message to one of the team, let them know to hang on."

"_Yes, Agent Coulson_," JARVIS replied. There was a pause. "_I suggest you hurry, sir_." And then the connection went dead. Phil once again fought the urge to groan. He definitely caused someone some serious harm in a past life. That's the only reason he could see for deserving this.

Still as insane and headache inducing as they might be, they were his team and they were in trouble. He pushed aside his very valid concerns and gathered his stuff. He had no idea what he was going to need to fight off Toy's robot army but if it was serious enough to take out Thor, Natasha and Steve, he needed to be ready. He gathered a few of the new EMP weapons that R&D was testing out and marched out of HQ.

He made it to the Tower in record time. It was eerily still once he reached the lobby. Though the team resided on the top floors, their larger than life personalities often tended to float downward. In other words, they were ridiculously loud but at the moment it was all quiet. Quiet and his team rarely ever ended well. He pushed the button for the elevator and frowned when nothing happened.

"JARVIS?"

There was no answer. This only made Phil more nervous. What if the other robots found about the AI contacting him and did something to shut him down. Phil paused. He was actually concerned about an artificial intelligence system. His life was not like others. As he started the walk up the incredibly long flight of stairs in the emergency exit, he found himself wondering if he should just get a normal job. It would definitely save what was left of his hair.

"Face it. You're just mad because I saved the day."

Phil was halfway to the top of the stairs which would finally leave him at one of the floors the team called home when he heard Clint's voice. He was so attuned to his youngest asset that he could make out when he was exhausted or in pain and hiding it. He couldn't hear anything other than smug satisfaction in the faint voice. That gave him the needed energy to push his weary body up the final few steps. He pushed through the door and found his exhausted looking team sprawled across the floor by the elevators. Aside from Steve's arm which he was cradling close to his chest, a gash across Natasha's forehead and the fact that Thor had no eyebrows, they looked relatively unharmed.

"Hey, Phil," they greeted as if everything was perfectly fine. Phil raised an eyebrow looking from the team to the seemingly never ending pile of robot corpses around them.

"JARVIS called me. Said that you needed help."

"We did," Natasha murmured from where she and Clint were cuddled together. Natasha's head rested on the archer's shoulder. "But Clint managed to take them out."

"I want to know who put together Clint's file," Tony said, pouting somewhat. There were a few scratches on his face and he was giving what looked like a clone of the Roomba with the face more than a few wary glances. "Because nowhere in there did it say that he could build a freaking EMP bomb out of crap he finds lying around the house."

"You have to admit that the stuff you find here is not like spare parts lying around a normal guy's house," Bruce pointed out. "I doubt your average Joe has a nuclear ion meter just waiting for a rainy day."

"It's why normal is overrated," Clint chimed in.

Phil let them have their moment of tired banter before wrangling them into a debriefing of sorts. It didn't take long for the whole story to come out. Despite Phil's reluctance to believe them, Thor, Natasha and Clint worked diligently on getting the rest of the team to see their point of view. And seeing as Steve was trapped in his own room for nearly a day and the toaster continued to screw with Bruce's waffles, it didn't really take much. But it wasn't until they managed to clue Tony in that the robots' subtle revenge became full on homicidal mania. Because they were sentient robots, they took out the three heavy hitters first. Clint, being part ninja Phil was now convinced, disappeared almost as soon as the attacks started and built a device capable of taking out everything electronic. Phil was not really surprised that he was smart enough to figure out how to build something like that. He always thought that the rest of SHIELD largely underestimated the kid's intelligence.

The only problem with Clint's hastily built device was that it knocked out everything electronic, including his hearing aids, JARVIS and the elevators. Hence the reason they were sacked out in a semi circle around the two assassins so that Clint wouldn't be excluded from the conversations. It was almost endearing.

"Phil?"

He took a deep breath meeting the archer's waiting gaze slowly. He could feel the blonde staring at him from the moment he walked through the door. He knew what Clint wanted. Technically he was well within his rights but still….

"Yes, Clint."

"I told you so!"

Phil nodded. "Yes, yes you did. Next time, I'll listen to you."

"Next time?" Natasha hissed, glaring in Tony's direction. "There damn well better not be a next time!"

"Hey, is it my fault that my sentient robots took offense that they were no longer the end all be all in my life? No, that would be your fault. If anyone is to blame in this, it's you guys. Maybe you should love me a little less."

"Trust me after battling a freaking robot army, that's not exactly difficult," Steve groused. He gingerly moved his arm, wincing a little but it seemed to be moving easier than it was ten minutes ago. Oh, the wonders of the super soldier serum.

"Alright," Bruce cut through the impending argument. "All injured follow me. Even without the robots, I can still patch you guys up. And yes, Tony, you are injured. I don't care if you don't think you have a concussion. You have a concussion. Your judgment is not to be trusted."

"I question his judgment without the concussion," Thor murmured, darkly following after Steve and Natasha. Tony gave a token protest before being hauled off the floor by Bruce. The scientist paused to give Clint a cursory check. Phil did that the second he walked through the door. To say that they fought a robot army, there wasn't a mark on the kid.

"I'll be back later with your spares," Bruce said, satisfied that for once he wouldn't be patching up Clint. He dragged the still arguing Tony with him.

Phil sat on the floor opposite Clint. The younger man was smiling with satisfaction as he looked around the destruction that he both caused and stopped. Phil always knew he was smarter than even he knew. He loved the moments when even Clint realized it. Did wonders for his self-esteem.

"How did you know to build an EMP anyway?"

Clint raised an eyebrow. "You're kidding, right? The day Tasha suggested us moving in here, I started looking into it. I've seen _Terminator_. I know how it ends when the robots start taking over."

Phil wanted to protest that but he couldn't find fault with it. If anyone was going to make Skynet a reality, it would be Tony Stark. Thankfully, the world had Clint Barton on its side. Phil shook his head. "You did good," he smiled softly. Clint nodded, smile never wavering. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I should've trusted your instincts."

"It's cool," Clint shrugged. "The whole thing was insane. I wouldn't have believed me either. Hell, I was here and I'm still struggling to believe that this happened."

"Yes, but from now on, I promise to give what you tell me more consideration. You are a lot smarter than most people give you credit for and that's not fair to you. I do trust you, Clint. And I didn't show that this time."

"So you promise to trust me?"

"Eh, yes. Yes, I promise."

"No matter what?"

"No matter what," Phil assured him. Clint's smile turned practically feral and Phil realized he just walked into a trap.

"So then, Phil, since you trust me so much. Tell me everything about the Winter Soldier and how long you think you're going to keep from Steve that Bucky is alive."

"How did…."

"Don't worry," Clint waved a hand dismissively. "Tasha didn't tell me. Like you said, Phil, I'm smarter than people give me credit for. The Winter Soldier has always been Natasha's sore spot. It helps that she's probably his. She's the best at hunting him down. She's been going on a lot of these solo missions that I'm not getting read into. I try and look them up and they're classified to hell. The only thing that could make Fury do something like that is something related to the super soldier. And since we weren't notified, it had to be something deep. It seems that lately he's been a lot more active. Probably because we took Steve off ice."

Phil couldn't help the slightly surprised look on his face. He, Nick and Maria had been over multiple theories as to how and why the Winter Solider was appearing more frequently. It never occurred to them that the increase in activity coincided with Steve's resurrection. Maybe it was time to read Clint into this mission. He knew that inevitably Steve would find out but maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.

"Ok," Phil agreed. "I'll tell you everything."

* * *

*The end for now.

I honestly don't know how I moved from straight crack to an actual plot but that last part just kind of wrote itself. So I guess Bucky will be making an appearance soon. I blame Sebastian Stan. He's just so…. Awesome. Ciao for now!


End file.
